Working with Amateurs
by JessC27
Summary: Buffy has a prophetic dream that prompts her to go to LA. She stumbles upon something that is very close to Angel's heart.
1. Dreams and Reality

**Working with Amateurs**

**CHAPTER 1 – Dreams and Reality**

Buffy dreamt. She was in LA, walking down a dark alley. She could hear crying, the crying of a baby. But there was nobody in the alley. She kept walking until she saw two dark hooded figures in the distance surrounded by fog. Or maybe it was steam from the sewers? They were standing huddled together, bent over something. It looked like some kind of exchange. And then there was this crying again. Suddenly, someone came running from behind her, almost knocking her over, oblivious of her standing in the middle of the alley. The man kept running and shouted something at the two dark figures, who took flight as soon as they saw him coming towards them. Buffy instinctively knew who that person was. She would have known him anywhere. It was Angel. He ran after the fleeing people, shouting for them to stop. Buffy ran after him. Angel kept shouting something like "Don't do this!" They were slowly catching up to the two figures. Buffy was only a few meters behind Angel. Suddenly the whole scene changed and the two dark shapes had to stop, otherwise they would have fallen off the top of the building they were all standing on. Buffy could now recognize one of the figures. He had lost his hood while running. It was Wesley. Angel looked at him dangerously, still seemingly unaware of Buffy's presence, and growled at him, "Traitor." Then he lunged himself at the other person and they both tumbled off the roof.

Buffy woke up screaming. She knew it was a prophetic dream. They were always so much more real than her normal dreams – or nightmares. A look at her clock told her it was the middle of the night, everybody else was fast asleep. Somehow she knew that she didn't have time to get Giles and the others to figure out what the dream was exactly about. Time was of the essence. She chose to trust her gut. Putting on some clothes, she grabbed the car keys, scribbled down a note that she would be in LA and would call as soon as possible and left it on the kitchen counter.

* * *

When Buffy got to LA, she didn't know where to start. LA had countless dark alleys and they all looked the same. She was terribly afraid that she was too late already. For what, she didn't know. But she couldn't get rid of the feeling that something horrible was about to happen. Should she go see Angel? Maybe it had something to do with one of his current cases. Maybe his appearance in her dream had been symbolic, to let her know who the bad guys were. But then she had known that even before his arrival in the dream. Buffy decided to head for the hotel. Luckily there was hardly any traffic since it was very early in the morning. When she was still several blocks away, a dark figure was crossing the street in front of her in a dash. Buffy knew that was it. She got out of the car and ran after him. There was no Wesley or Angel in sight. But she could feel Angel. He couldn't be far away. Chasing after the figure Buffy made herself known. "Stop!

Surprisingly, it worked. The man stopped and partly turned around.

"Who are you? What do you want?".

"I am disappointed. Has it been so long, that nobody in LA remembers me? Or maybe you are just new in the evil business."

"I am not fighting for the dark side. But I have no time to take care of you, too," the man said annoyed.

"You are on the good side? Try telling that to someone who isn't. And besides, why would you run? What did you steal?"

"I didn't steal anything. I saved a life. I saved this little one from a vampire." He opened his coat and revealed a baby.

"A baby?" Buffy gasped. She took a step closer.

"Don't come closer."

"I am the Slayer."

"The Slayer? You?"

"Let me guess, you expected me to be taller?"

"Um…"

"Who is after you?" Buffy slowly closed the distance between them.

"A very dangerous and powerful vampire. His name is Angelus. I need to save the boy from him."

"Angelus?" Buffy's face showed complete and utter shock at hearing that name. Could he really be back?

"Ah, so you have heard of him?"

"I have met him," Buffy said deep in thought.

"And survived?"

"Obviously." Her confusion over the mentioning of Angelus made way to distrust. Her spidey senses were all over the place. This man was not to be trusted.

"Shame you didn't manage to kill him. My name is Holtz, by the way. I came a long way to protect this child." He slightly relaxed his defensive stance.

Buffy felt strangely drawn to the child and took another step closer. Holtz made no attempt to retreat. So she reached out her hand and touched the baby's cheek. He made her feel just like Angel did. Something was really, really wrong here.

"Since I am the Slayer and we are on the same side, you won't mind handing the baby over to me, would you?"

"Listen, you obviously know what that vampire is capable of. I am only trying to protect the child from a horrible fate. The vampire claims to be his father, but this is obviously a trick."

"His father? A vampire?" Buffy choked out. How could this be? But it would explain the feelings the baby invoked in her. Buffy had trouble not doubling over from this information. It hurt so much. This was worse than… she couldn't think of anything… maybe like when he left her.

"I know, it's hard to believe. But it doesn't matter. I have to keep him safe from that monster."

"I agree. We need to keep the baby safe from harm." Buffy couldn't help but stare at the baby. Holtz mistook Buffy's behavior for genuine concern. No matter if Angel was Angelus or not, this baby needed protection, even if he wasn't Angel's son. Just the thought of it tore at her heart, like razor sharp claws. Scalding razor sharp claws.

"You are right. This innocent child needs protection." In one quick move, Buffy grabbed the baby and pushed Holtz back. Taking up a defensive stance she said, "I will make sure the boy doesn't get hurt. By anyone. That includes you. I don't trust you."

"And I don't trust you." He drew his sword. "Give me the baby."

"Say please," Buffy mocked.

Holtz attacked.

Now that she had the baby in one arm Buffy was less mobile than usual and hampered in her attempts to fight off her opponent.

"Give me the boy. I only want to keep him safe from that monster."

"You already said so. But I am not sure your intentions are really honorable. So you can forget about it."

"Fine, you asked for it."

With that Holtz lunged for Buffy, swinging the sword, aiming for her head. Buffy ducked and kicked at him awkwardly. With the baby in her arms, balance was harder to maintain than usual. Holtz attacked her again, this time going for her legs. Buffy jumped. It seemed like he really didn't want to harm the baby. But that didn't mean he wouldn't use him in some silly ritual and kill him later anyway.

Buffy turned to run, but Holtz managed a deep cut to her arm. She yelped and faced her attacker again. Shifting the baby to her uninjured arm she was able to block the next swing, gaining another deep cut in the process. She couldn't keep this up for long. She desperately wanted to hurt this guy, but the baby was her priority at the moment. Buffy avoided his next assaults by ducking and jumping, waiting for an opening to throw him off his feet and run for the hills. Holtz was relentless, aiming blow after blow at her. When an opportunity finally presented itself, Buffy did a roundhouse kick and hit him as hard as she could. Holtz fell over, loosing hold on his sword. Buffy turned and ran as fast as she could.

Rounding a corner, she didn't get far as her way was cut of by a high fence. She couldn't jump it and with her injuries and the baby, she couldn't climb it either. She could hear running. Holtz was fast on their trail. The only way out was into an abandoned building. Maybe there was a way out on the other side of the fence. Kicking in the already demolished door, Buffy made her way inside. It was an old apartment block. There was trashed and moldy furniture everywhere, syringes were lying on the floor, and the walls were spray painted. The only way she could go was up the narrow staircase. The apartments were deathtraps, full of junk with no room to maneuver. Some of the floors had holes in them. They were probably unstable as hell, and leading right to hell at the same time. The stairs weren't much better. But maybe there was a way down from the top, a fire staircase or something. Buffy had to skip several broken steps and almost got her foot stuck when one gave way beneath her.

Holtz had entered the building as well, screaming at her to give up and hand over the baby. On her way up to the roof, Buffy found a pipe and grabbed it. At least she had a weapon now. But she needed more room to face her attacker. She needed to get to the roof before Holtz caught up with her and could corner her. Maybe she could kick him off the roof.

Holtz reached the top of the building only seconds after her. "No more running now. Give me the baby and I will spare your life."

"Sorry, no deal."

Holtz rushed at her with his raised sword. This time Buffy blocked the attack with the pipe. Gaining confidence she charged at Holtz and made him retreat several steps. The pipe was rusty and chafed at her palm. But it was better than nothing.

"You can't be the Slayer. The Slayer would not play into a vampire's hands. You are probably just one of Angelus' whores. A skilled one, I have to admit, but still just a pawn in his game. Do something good, let me take care of the boy. I will raise him as my own."

"Stop talking. You sound like a complete lunatic. When did you break out of the nut house?"

In quick succession, Holtz aimed several hits at her arm, the one Buffy was holding the baby with. He was good with that sword, as if he hadn't done anything else in his life. The pipe being heavier and not as aerodynamic as a sword, Buffy had a hard time keeping up with his blows. After taking some more cuts, she switched the baby to the other arm again. And she was starting to get tired.

* * *

Not too far away, Angel and Gunn were driving through the streets rather aimlessly, desperately looking for Holtz and Connor. Angel was getting frantic with worry and anger. Suddenly he felt… something. Could it be his son? It was different though. It felt like… Buffy. How could that be? He probably just imagined it. It would be too big a coincidence if she was in LA tonight.

"What is it?" Gunn asked, having noticed that Angel was slowing down the car.

"Nothing, we need to keep looking. Maybe we should split up. You take the car. I want to check some of those alleys."

"Okay."

Angel turned off the car and got out. Suddenly, he heard something, metal meeting metal. It sounded like a fight.

"If we can't find them in the next half hour, we should go back to the hotel and regroup. Angel? Did you hear me?"

"Shush, do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

They were quiet but the sounds were gone. They listened for a while longer, until the sounds reappeared. In close succession the noise of one metallic object impacting on another one resounded through the night.

"Yeah, sounds like a sword fight or something."

"Let's hope Holtz ran into trouble. Come on."

Angel started running into the alley in a mad dash. Gunn could hardly keep up.

* * *

Holtz let his blows rain down on Buffy. She was hardly able to block them anymore. Holtz had forced her almost to the edge of the roof, when one particularly powerful swing broke the rusty pipe in two. Buffy held the baby even closer, trying to protect him by shielding him with both her arms.

"Give me the baby!"

Buffy made another attempt to escape, but Holtz blocked her way. He took aim again and cut Buffy deeply across her shoulder. Turning away from him to shield the precious bundle in her arms, the next blow cut her right across her back. Trying to avert the next attacks with kicks tired Buffy out further. Holtz got in more and more strikes until Buffy was bleeding heavily from numerous cuts to her arms and back.

Standing at the edge of the roof top, she considered her options. Should she try to jump? Would she survive a jump from this height in her weakened state? What if she fell and crushed the baby? Looking down Buffy saw remnants of a fire staircase still attached to the house. Were they stable enough to hold her?

* * *

Angel and Gunn had followed the noise until they could make out which building it was coming from. Then abruptly, the metallic sounds stopped. They stormed up the stairs and onto the roof. Angel stopped in his tracks when he spotted a bloody Buffy standing on the edge of the building, clutching Connor tightly to her body, barely being able to stand. She looked completely exhausted and was bleeding heavily from various cuts.

"Buffy?" Angel mouthed inaudibly.

TBC


	2. New Faces and Familiar Faces

**CHAPTER 2 – New Faces and Familiar Faces**

Holtz had heard somebody else making their way to the roof. Seeing Angel, he immediately turned his back to Buffy, not considering her a threat anymore, and charged towards the new arrivals. But between the two of them, Gunn and Angel managed to disarm him quickly. Angel broke his arm in the process and kicked him viciously to the floor.

Addressing Gunn, Angel said coldly, "Make sure he doesn't move." But Holtz kicked Gunn's legs out from under him and rushed towards Buffy and the baby. Angel grabbed him from behind and tackled him to the ground. After several punches and some rolling around, which brought them ever closer the edge of the building, Angel landed a particularly powerful blow, sending Holtz over the edge off the roof.

Buffy was still standing where Angel had first seen her when he had arrived on the roof. Her vision was getting blurry. She had noticed the yelling and fighting in the background, but had needed every ounce of strength she had left to not fall over or make a step in the wrong direction. Angel made his way over to her, but she seemed slightly disoriented. In order not to startle her, he ordered Gunn to stay back and approached her slowly. She was standing way too close to the edge for his taste.

"Buffy, it's me. It's okay. It's over," he said quietly. Buffy only held on tighter to the baby. Her head was swimming. Squinting she tried to make out the face of the person holding out his hand to her. "Angel?"

Angel quickly grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from the edge. As soon as Buffy felt his hand on her, she knew they were safe and her legs gave out under her. Angel caught her easily and gently lowered her to the floor.

"Gunn, take Connor," Angel said and handed the baby to him.

Connor. So that was his name, Buffy thought hazily.

"Can you get up? We should get going," Angel asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." But as soon as Buffy got to her feet she started swaying.

"I don't think so," he said as he put an arm around her waist to support her.

"I can hear police cars," Gunn said urgently. "We should hurry, unless you have a real good story to explain all this."

"No, I don't. Hold on tight," he said, as he swept Buffy up in his arms. "We really need to get out of here."

* * *

Angel carefully deposited an unconscious Buffy in the back of his car. He checked her pulse to make sure it was strong and regular, before covering her with his coat.

Angel first made a small detour to avoid the approaching police cars before heading for the hotel. When Gunn noticed where Angel was headed, he asked, "Don't you want to get her to a hospital?"

"No."

"We don't have to tell them anything, we can just say we found her like this. They'll assume she was attacked by a gang or something."

"No, she hates hospitals. She'll be okay in a couple of days."

"Did you look at her wounds?" Gunn asked aghast. "Some are pretty deep, they need stitching. She could bleed to death." Gunn looked at him when he realized what Angel had said. "What do you mean 'she hates hospitals'? You know her?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

Angel sighed, "Gunn, meet Buffy. The Slayer."

Gunn turned his head to look at the young woman in the back. "Wow!"

"Is she still asleep? Does she look like she is in a lot of pain?" Angel asked.

"No, she seems okay. Out like a light though."

"Good."

"You sure she'll be alright?"

"She heals pretty fast. Some of the wounds do look bad, but if we take her to a hospital she might hurt herself even more by trying to get out of it. I'd rather not upset her and have her somewhere safe, where I can keep an eye on her. I can't at a hospital."

"Yeah," Gunn said absent-mindedly, he couldn't take his eyes off Buffy. "I can understand why you would want to keep an eye on her. She even looks pretty with all the blood and dirt."

"Gunn…," Angel said warningly.

"Oh, sorry, I get it," Gunn turned back to look out the front window.

"Good. And just a small piece of advice, if you want to keep your head, don't repeat what you just said to Cordy," Angel said with a small, amused smile.

"But you can repeat it in front of me as often as you like," Buffy's drowsy voice came from the back of the car.

Gunn turned back to look at her. "Anytime you want. But I guess you get those lines all the time."

"Vamps are not really big on compliments when they are about to be staked."

"Oh, I see your problem."

"You okay, Buffy?" Angel asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Yeah, I'm fine. No hospital. 'Cause I'm not going," she stated with as much insistence as she could muster in her weakened state.

Angel gave Gunn an I-told-you-so look. Gunn chuckled quietly.

"Only if you promise to be a good girl and let us take care of you," Angel teased. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep Buffy in LA against her will, but he would try anyway.

Buffy didn't reply. She was drifting off to sleep again, when she suddenly remembered about Connor. "Is the baby okay?" she asked alarmed. From her position in the back she couldn't know that he was quietly sleeping in Gunn's arms.

"Yeah, don't worry," Gunn said and held Connor so that she could see him. "He's sleeping like a baby."

"Good," she mumbled before closing her eyes again. The car engine lulled her back to sleep.

When they got to the Hyperion, Angel dragged Buffy out of the car as gently as he could and lifted her into his arms. The jostling roused her slightly and she mumbled into his chest, "No hospital."

"No hospital, I promise." Angel said into her ear.

"'Cause I'm fine," she mumbled in a voice that was anything but convincing Angel of her statement. She hadn't even opened her eyes. Angel was a bit worried about her condition and wanted to get a closer look at her wounds as quickly as possible. He really hoped she didn't need a hospital, but he would never risk her life, no matter how much she hated hospitals, even if he had to sedate her himself.

Gunn followed them into the hotel, carrying Connor. When they got inside Cordelia was already waiting for them. She started towards Angel, her face showing nothing but displeasure with the whole situation.

"If Buffy got Connor hurt, I'll-"

"Cordelia, she just saved his life," Angel said in a stern, but quiet voice as not to wake Buffy, not stopping once but heading straight for the stairs.

"Get Connor cleaned up, see if he's hurt. If he's hurt, take him to the hospital." Gunn had already checked Connor for wounds in the car and he'd seemed fine. All the blood seemed to be Buffy's. He hadn't even cried once since the whole fighting had been over. But Angel wanted to keep Cordelia busy so she wouldn't follow them.

"Right, and you are staying here with your precious Buffy," she called after him with accusation.

Angel stopped in the middle of the stairs and sighed. Turning around to face her he said, "Cordy, it's starting to get light outside, I can't go."

"Oh."

"And Cordy, I can tell you right now that you won't find one scratch on him."

Speechless Cordelia watched him carrying Buffy upstairs.

Gunn handed her Connor. "Here, see for yourself. Connor is just fine. Buffy is the one you should be worried about."

"Oh, what is it with Buffy and men? First Angel, then Doyle, now you too, Gunn."

"Don't forget Connor. He seems to be pretty fond of her too," Gunn said with a grin.

"Arg!" Cordelia stormed off.

* * *

Angel carried Buffy into one of the rooms. He laid her on the bed and looked her over more closely. Her clothes were torn in several places, but her arms seemed especially bad. He gently rolled her over. Her back looked just as bad.

Fred was standing in the doorway watching curiously. "That's the Slayer?"

"Yeah. Can you get me some warm water, a washcloth, some ointment and bandages, please?"

"Sure, I'll be right back."

Angel started exposing Buffy's back, which wasn't that difficult to accomplish. Her top was already in shreds.

"I hope this wasn't your favorite top, Buffy," he whispered more to himself. Buffy moaned when Angel tugged on some of the material that had gotten stuck to her wounds.

"Ssh, it's alright. Go back to sleep." It would probably be better for her, and for him, if she was unconscious when he dressed her wounds.

"Is he alright?" she opened her eyes and looked at him. Obviously, she'd forgotten that she'd already asked about Connor earlier in the car.

"Yeah, Connor's fine. Thanks to you."

"Good," she mumbled, closing her eyes again.

Fred came back in with the supplies. "Do you want me to get Cordelia to clean her up?" Fred asked slightly uncomfortable.

"No, she's busy with Connor," Angel said curtly. He took the basin from her and put it on the bedside table.

Fred slowly came closer to the bed. "Will she be alright?"

"Yeah, she'll be sore for a while, but she heals more quickly than normal people."

Angel carefully started cleaning the wounds. Buffy had gotten some pretty deep cuts. Her left shoulder looked the worst. It was criss-crossed with sword cuts. A few of them were still bleeding. When he pressed the cloth on the wounds to stop the bleeding, Buffy came awake again and hissed in pain.

"Sorry. Gotta stop the bleeding."

"It's okay. Thanks for taking care of me."

"It's the least I can do. I'm not as good as a doctor, but I thought you wouldn't mind."

"You bet."

Suddenly Angel remembered Fred standing at the end of the bed. "Oh, um, Buffy, I want you to meet Fred."

Buffy couldn't see Fred from her position and looked confused.

Fred walked closer to Angel. "Hi."

"Oh, hi. Sorry I'm not in a position to shake hands."

"That's okay."

"Fred, tell Gunn to not let anybody in until we know who was all involved in this besides Wesley and Holtz."

With one more sympathetic glance at the wounded Slayer Fred quietly left the room.

Angel covered and taped her wounds as best as he could. "Your shoulder looks pretty bad. What happened?"

"I think he tried to get me to drop Connor. I don't think he really wanted to hurt him. He didn't have any such inhibitions about me though."

Angel had just finished with her back, when Cordelia came in.

"Hi, Cordy," Buffy greeted her, but didn't receive any reply.

"Connor's fine."

"Good. Can you get some clean clothes for Buffy?"

"She'll get them all bloody."

"Never mind, I'll give her some of mine," Angel said.

Cordelia slammed the door.

"Gee, she is really happy to see me."

"She was just worried about Connor."

"Yeah, right."

Angel just sat there, considering what to do next.

"What's wrong?"

"Um, I'm finished with your back. Can you sit up so I can look at… um the rest."

Buffy smiled. "I think I'm fine otherwise. He didn't want to hit Connor, he focused on my arms."

"Yeah, so I see."

Buffy tried to push herself up, but her left arm hurt too much. "I think I might need some help."

Angel helped her into a sitting position, while Buffy held what was left of her shirt to her chest.

"Déjà vu," Buffy grinned a bit embarrassed.

"Let me do your arms and I'll get you something to wear."

He quietly cleaned the blood from her arms and bandaged the deeper cuts. He examined his work and said, "You look a bit like a mummy."

Buffy inspected her arms. They did indeed look the part. "Yeah, I could wear this next Halloween. Only this version is not sanctioned for accompanying kids while trick-or-treating."

"I'll go get you some clothes. Do you need anything else? Painkillers?"

"No, they'll only make me lightheaded. I'll be fine. Thanks."

Angel left and came back with one of his shirts and some sweat pants. "Here, I'll leave you alone so you can change."

"Angel?"

"I'll be back in five minutes. I'm just going to check on Connor."

* * *

Angel knocked. "Are you decent?"

"As decent as one can be in oversized men's clothes."

Angel came back into the room with a cup of hot tea in one hand and Connor in the other. "Connor wanted to say thank you in person, didn't you, Connor?"

Buffy looked delicious in his clothes. The shirt was only half buttoned. She was definitely not wearing a bra. Angel couldn't help but stare at her cleavage. Buffy noticed and held the shirt together with her right hand. "Um, sorry, I couldn't lift my left arm far enough to close those buttons."

"Oh, um, do you want me to…"

"If you don't mind."

Angel put the tea on the bedside table and sat down next to Buffy. He laid Connor down on the bed and then expertly closed the buttons of Buffy's shirt. When his fingers slightly touched the skin between her breasts, Buffy shivered. They both noticed, but decided to ignore it.

"All done." He picked Connor up again.

"Thanks."

"You look tired. Do you want to lie down? Do you need some more pillows?"

"No, I should be alright if I lie on my side." She awkwardly lowered herself onto her side.

"See," Buffy proclaimed proudly, before she winced in pain.

"I saw those cuts, Buffy. I know they must hurt, despite you being the Slayer."

Buffy just grinned guiltily.

"You sure you don't want anything for the pain? Aspirin, maybe?"

"No, thanks."

Both were quiet, neither knowing what to say. There was a big elephant in the room. Only Connor was completely oblivious of it.

Angel told himself that he should leave her alone for now. Buffy was hurt and needed rest. But he couldn't move. He just sat there on the edge of the bed with Connor on his lap. Angel very much wanted to talk to her. He had so many questions. How had she gotten here? What had happened with Holtz? But he was also apprehensive of how Buffy would react when she found out the truth about Connor. Maybe she didn't even want to know. Maybe she didn't care anymore. Maybe she had thought Connor was just some innocent baby that needed to be rescued. Maybe Buffy wanted nothing further to do with them.

No matter how exhausted Buffy was, she knew she would never be able to find sleep if she didn't get some answers first. Would he have the guts to tell her without her having to ask? She felt so left out of his life. Yeah, sure, that was the arrangement, but she didn't have to like it. She hadn't even known about Connor. Buffy could feel that Connor was Angel's son, not adopted or anything. She could feel the same tingle she felt with Angel. Buffy wasn't sure if she wanted to know, but she asked him anyway. "Who is his mother?"

Angel knew she probably wouldn't believe him and would like it even less. His silence told Buffy that it must be someone she knew.

"Darla."

TBC

* * *

**Note: **

Thanks for following the story so far. Let me know if you want to read more.


	3. Questions and Answers

**CHAPTER 3 – Questions and Answers**

**Note:**

Thanks for all the reviews. Without them writing would be only half as much fun.

To avoid possible confusion: I am not exactly sticking to canon. Buffy and that other vamp didn't happen, Giles never left for England.

* * *

"Darla? As in your dead sire Darla?"

"Yes."

"Care to explain?"

"It's really hard to explain. And Darla is dead anyway. Again."

The news took a moment to sink in. "Oh, God… you and… Darla?"

"Except for the end result," he gently kissed Connor's head, "it is the stupidest thing I've ever done. Well, one of those anyway."

"Well, at least it wasn't Drusilla," Buffy said still in shock, "or Cordelia."

"You'd rather it be Darla than Cordelia?" he asked genuinely surprised. "I wasn't aware you two disliked each other that much."

"Well, the situation with Darla is so absolutely screwed that it almost – _almost_ – makes sense again. Cordelia on the other hand… that would have…," her voice got so quiet that even Angel almost had trouble hearing her, "broken my heart… for good."

"Buffy, I wish he would be yours," Angel said softly, "but we –"

"Yeah, had to move on, I know. Glad one of us did," Buffy snapped.

"Buffy-"

"Sorry. Forget what I said."

They were quiet for while, not knowing what to say.

Angel was still thinking about what she had said about Cordelia, he really didn't get her logic. "I know you and Cordelia have never been the best of friends, but worse than Drusilla?" he asked skeptical.

"Well, Drusilla is certifiable, so I couldn't really blame her," Buffy said with a grin that showed she was teasing. "There's only one person who could have been worse than Cordelia," she said in a whisper. She wasn't sure why she was even dragging this up again. She could see that Angel had no clue.

"And that would be?" he asked cautiously.

"Faith."

"Buffy, I would never-"

"-sleep with Darla?"

Point for Buffy.

"Buffy, no matter how desperate I was, I would never-"

"Kiss Faith? Hit me to defend her?"

"Buffy…" Angel pleaded pitifully. He'd never forgiven himself for hitting her back then. He wished he could blame it on his demon, but he couldn't.

"I know, sorry," Buffy said quickly, "And the kiss was my great idea anyway."

"Buffy, did you really think that Connor could be… that Faith and I…?"

"Cordelia was the more probable choice. But experience has taught me that my life tends to be one gigantic cosmic joke. So yes, it crossed my mind, for a second," she admitted, somehow feeling guilty that the thought had crossed her mind at all. Deep down she knew that Angel had merely wanted to help Faith, because he knew what it felt like to be the outcast and how hard it was to make amends. Still, seeing the two of them together always reminded her of their charade to find out what the Mayor had been up to. Angel had played his role a little too well for Buffy's taste. It had left a deep scar.

"Do you really hate her that much?" Angel asked quietly, trying to understand her point of view.

"No, I don't hate her, not really," Buffy said wearily, "I hate some of the things she did. But she always liked to point out that I am her sister Slayer. And - I know I try to deny it - but I think of her like that, too. At least when she isn't stealing my body, sleeping with my boyfriend or trying to kill my… um… you…," she trailed off. "Sorry I dragged this up."

"No, it's okay. It feels good to talk about it. We never really did before."

"It happened ages ago."

"Obviously it still bothers you. And I'd really like to know," he said, truly interested. "Besides, it seems I don't understand the concept of chick fights."

"Chick fights?" Did he really just use the words 'chick fights'? Buffy tried hard to suppress a grin.

"Well, you know, you and Cordy, you and Faith, all that tension. The complexity of female relationships is not exactly my area of expertise."

"Faith and me is not about chick fights," Buffy clarified, still slightly amused by his choice of words. "Now, Cordy and me-"

"I know," Angel interrupted gently. "We are getting off topic here."

Buffy sighed. "Faith is the only one who understands what it means to be the Slayer. She has a slightly different view on some things, but still, she knows. And she knew me well enough to know you were my lifeline. She knew where to hurt me the most. And she did. We were meant to stick together, to fight on the same side. If she hadn't been my sister Slayer, her betrayal wouldn't have hurt that much. I want to believe she has changed, but actions speak louder than words. I can't risk investing my feelings into her again, because then she holds too much power over me to hurt me again or catch me off guard. I won't risk that again. Last time it almost cost me you."

"Are you angry at me because I forgave her?"

"No, someone had to. With you on her side she has a chance. I know from experience." Once he had fought at her side, made sure she was alright. Buffy tried to make it sound like a compliment, but she couldn't keep the bitterness completely out of her voice. Of course, Angel picked up on it.

"I haven't replaced you, Buffy. You were never one of my cases. Never." How could she think that? How could she think that there would ever be anyone like her again?

"Ridiculous, isn't it? We are not even together anymore, Faith is in jail and I still feel jealous if you spend time with her."

"You have no reason to be jealous, Buffy. Spending time with Faith is not dangerous for my soul. Not at all."

"And this is?" Buffy asked in a hopeful whisper. Damn, why did she even bother to ask him when it wouldn't change anything anyway?

"Well, I would never take advantage of you in your current condition, so I think we should be safe for the moment." Angel's words were meant to be teasing but the expression with which he said it left no doubt about how deep his feelings for Buffy still went.

They were both lost in each other's eyes for a moment, until Buffy couldn't take it anymore. It didn't change a thing. So instead she focused on Connor. Angel sat close enough that she could reach Connor and let him play with her finger.

"Is he completely human?"

"As far as we can tell. I had a doctor check him out."

"Yeah, he feels absolutely human to me."

"Do you want to hold him?"

"I'd like to, but you better just lie him down. I don't want to drop him or squash him, if he hits a tender spot."

Angel laid his son down on the bed next to Buffy. She started playing with his tiny hands.

"How can this be? I mean, two vampires, one human child?" she said more to herself. Tears were running down her cheeks. "What happened to 'I can't have children'?"

"I can't answer that for you. I don't know."

"I would have given everything to have…," she trailed off. "It's not fair. At least with us it would have been half vamp, half human, it would have at least made sense 50 percent."

"Buffy, we only had once."

"How often did you sleep with Darla?" Buffy asked.

She had a point, but Angel ignored the question. "Would you really have been willing to… you know… you were seventeen."

"I don't care. Never cared where you were concerned." Almost inaudibly she added, "If it had been my only chance to have… your child, then yes, I wouldn't have had to think about it." Buffy was sniffling while patting Connor's stomach. He gurgled happily.

"I think he likes you," Angel said, not knowing what else to do or say.

Slowly, Buffy was regaining her composure. It was no use mourning what would never be. And the little person lying next to her was just an innocent in all this. "He's adorable, Angel."

"I'm sorry." And he was, for so many things, but most of all for hurting her by having something he never thought he would have, a son. It was something he had wanted for Buffy so much. It was one of the reasons why he had left Sunnydale. She was right, it wasn't fair.

"Not your fault." There was nothing left to say.

"Do you think he misses her?" Buffy wondered. She couldn't bring herself to use the term 'mommy' or 'mother' when talking about Darla.

Angel knew who Buffy was referring to. "Well, Cordelia and Fred pamper him silly."

"As do you, I'm sure."

"Yeah, but the rest of the guys go just as crazy over him."

"Well, you have the right to, you are his father."

"I wouldn't mind if you go crazy over him too," Angel said carefully, hopefully.

"Already am. Hook, line and sinker," she said, smiling at Connor adoringly, not noticing Angel's meaningful look.

Angel wanted a good role model for Connor, a mother figure. Cordy and Fred were great with him, but what better role model than Buffy to have in his life? He knew it was only wishful thinking. But maybe she'd agree to be his godmother or come to LA more often.

Connor grabbed Buffy's hair.

"Hey, little guy, don't do that. Buffy just saved your life. Is that how you thank her?" Looking at her, Angel said, "I don't know how I can ever thank you."

"It's my job, Angel. I save people. Naturally, babies come at the top of my list."

"Yeah, but you almost got yourself killed in the process."

She shrugged. "That's in the fine print, I'm afraid."

"How did you find him? How come you were in LA?"

"I had a dream."

"A prophetic dream?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you call and let us know?" Angel asked.

"I had it just a few hours ago. I wasn't even sure what it meant. It didn't make much sense. I just knew I had to get to LA as fast as possible. When I was on my way to you that Holtz guy crossed my path. I followed him and from there it was basically just running and dodging his sword. By the way, how did you find me?"

"We heard the sword fight."

Buffy grinned. "Oh, you mean the sword-metal pipe fight."

"Huh?"

"I didn't bring a sword, I used a pipe," she explained.

"Oh."

"There is still something that doesn't make sense though. What exactly is Wesley's role in all this? In my dream you called him a traitor."

Angel growled and his eyes turned yellow.

"Not a good topic, I gather."

"Wesley handed Connor over to Holtz," Angel said coldly.

"What? Why would Wesley give Connor to this nut case?" Buffy asked aghast. "Are you sure?"

"Wesley took Connor!" Angel growled.

"I get it. Sorry I asked. Calm down. I'm sure there is an explanation. You are not gonna do anything rash, right? Right?"

Angel didn't answer.

"I wasn't very fond of Wesley myself for a while, but he can be quite useful. I'm sure there is an explanation."

Again Angel didn't answer.

"Are you listening to me?"

"I will take care of Wesley."

"I am not taking sides here. Well, I am. I am on Connor's side, kind of. And absolutely against baby kidnapping. Have you asked Wesley what this is all about? I mean, I don't think he would do something like that without a reason. And Connor is not exactly your average baby, maybe Wesley found something out about Darla and-"

"Buffy, I am thankful for your help, but-"

"-this is your city and all. Yeah, I know the drill," she said bitterly.

"No, that is not what I was going to say." Angel tried to keep his anger in check. As calmly as he could he went on, "Wesley kidnapped my son. He took him. If he found anything out, he didn't discuss it with me. And I don't care what his reasons were or if Darla's… involvement… has anything to do with it."

"All I am saying is listen to what Wesley has to say before you consider hurting him. He seems to know something about Connor that you don't. I mean, what do you really know about Connor? Maybe Holtz was involved from day one. Maybe he even had a hand in Connor's conception. And then he tricked Wesley somehow."

"Holtz and I have history. Angelus killed his family, but that was way back. Holtz just wanted revenge, plain and simple. Wesley knew that."

"Still maybe he-"

"It doesn't matter. Holtz is dead. Connor is back. And it won't happen again."

"You don't know that. If he was my son I would like to know as much as possible about him, where he came from, or why. Somebody might have had a hand in it, maybe some kind of spell. Maybe knowing why he was given to you would help with what happened today and finding out more about his future. You don't think his conception was natural, do you?"

"If you had a child, Buffy, you wouldn't care either, I can assure you of that."

Buffy felt like he had hit her, only it hurt much worse. Yeah, maybe she didn't have a child, but if Giles had taught her anything, knowledge was a powerful alley. Sure ignorance was often bliss. Most of Sunnydale's inhabitants were proof of that. But if you were responsible for keeping everyone from getting eaten or mauled by demons on a daily basis, ignorance was not an option.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't mean it. I know you only want to protect Connor. I'm just not used to feeling so helpless. I am probably not thinking clearly, being biased and all." How had everything gone to hell so quickly? Reminding her of what she might never have was certainly the worst strategy to get her more involved in Connor's life. Why would she want to be around a baby she wished had been hers and a man who only pushed the knife in deeper? Instead of showing her how grateful he was that she had saved Connor's life, he was doing the exact opposite.

Buffy said nothing. She was trying hard to keep herself from breaking down in tears. Her weakened condition and the baby lying next to her were not helping at all.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I am an idiot. I promise I will let Wesley tell his side of the story, okay?" Right now he'd promise her anything to get back in her good grace.

"It's your choice, Angel. I don't have any say in it, I'm aware of that." She didn't want to fight, she didn't have the energy. She would not point out that he was a master of making decisions for other people.

Angel groaned. The damage was done. The plan for damage control had just gone to hell as well. "Please, forget what I said. I can't think straight, especially if it concerns Connor. I lashed out at the wrong person. The person who saved my son's life."

"I'm tired. I wouldn't mind catching some hours of sleep before I leave."

"You are not leaving in this condition. And you won't get rid of me like this, not when you are hurt, emotionally and physically, and both is my fault."

"You didn't cut me up. I'm one step ahead of you there."

"Buffy!" Angel grabbed her hand and waited for her to look at him. He started to say something, but Buffy was faster. "I'm sorry. I am being difficult."

Angel sighed. "Can't we just forget this?"

"I guess."

"Buffy, you and Connor are the most important people to me. I never wanted to hurt you. I somehow do anyway. I don't know why. I wish my 246 years would have taught me how to better appreciate the people I love, but until I met you, I didn't really know what love was. You showed me how to care about somebody else but me and how rewarding that can be. Without that experience… I don't know what that would have meant for Connor. I don't deserve him. I don't know why or how he got here. But because of you I love him anyway, unconditionally, no matter how he was conceived. Even though I have all this self-doubt, I don't doubt that I love Connor, because from experience I know I am able to love, because I know with absolute certainty that I loved you. I still do. You taught me that there is love that is unconditional, no matter what happened or will happen. That love has never diminished and it never will."

Buffy had tears in her eyes. The last few hours had been an emotional roller coaster. First finding out that Angel had a son, with Darla, then him taking care of her so lovingly and then their argument. And finally hearing him say those words she had longed to hear. It was too much. It was balm to her soul, but at the same time it was still overwhelming. Buffy was drained, physically and emotionally, she couldn't think anymore and was not too far away from a breakdown. Angel could see it, too.

He should have waited to talk to her until later, until she was better. Not that it would have changed much about the outcome, but maybe it wouldn't have taken such a toll on her. Getting Buffy well again was his priority at the moment. What a mess. They were both too emotional and upset to deal with everything rationally right now, if that was even possible.

"You should get some sleep, Buffy. You got hurt pretty badly and lost quite some blood. We can talk about everything else later. Get some rest."

Buffy simply nodded.

"Are we okay? Are you okay?"

"Yes, we are. Don't worry," she said with a tender smile. "And I'll be fine after I get some sleep."

"I meant every word, Buffy, about you and me."

"I know." His words had come from the heart and mirrored her own feelings. "No matter what happened or will happen," Buffy recited his words. It was her way of letting him know she still felt the same as well.

Angel nodded, showing her that he understood, and gave her a tender smile.

"I'll let you get some sleep now. Or do you need anything else?"

"No, but would you mind calling Giles to tell him what happened? I left in kind of a hurry in the middle of the night."

"No problem, I'll take care of it."

As an afterthought Buffy said, "Just leave out the part about me being used for shish kebab practice, okay?"

"Don't worry, I'll tone it down. Kiddy version for Giles."

"Thanks."

Angel got up from the bed. The movement sent a bold of pain through Buffy's body. It had caught her off guard and she couldn't help but wince.

"What's wrong?" Angel asked concerned.

"Nothing, I'll be fine." Her adrenaline had gradually been making place for the pain.

"Are you sure you don't want me to get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine." She didn't want to be knocked out. And she knew, if she asked for anything, Angel would be even more concerned.

"You really need to get some sleep. I'll leave you alone. If you need anything, just yell."

He picked up Connor and placed a kiss on Buffy's forehead.

"Say nite nite to Buffy, Connor." He held him so that Connor could see Buffy waving at him.

* * *

When Angel came downstairs with Connor, Cordelia was already waiting for him.

"Great, you want her to be Connor's mother now? The rest of us are just not needed anymore?"

"Cordelia, she just saved his life from I don't know what fate. Would you have the decency to stop whining? Actually, an apology and a thank you would be in order instead, don't you think?"

"It's her job to save people."

"I can't believe this." He didn't want to argue with her now. They were probably all just sleep-deprived. Nothing good could come of it.

But Cordelia went on. "Every time she shows up in LA, she upsets our lives. First that Thanksgiving thing, then the Faith thing, what's next? We were doing fine without her. How come she is even here? Did you call her?"

"No, I did not. She had a prophetic dream. And I am very glad she did." Before Cordelia could say anything else Angel said, "And now I need to make a phone call," and made for his office.

When Angel was out of sight, Gunn approached Cordelia. "Why are you so hostile towards Buffy?"

"Well, um… every time she shows up, she gets to be the hero. Why did she have to have a vision? That is my department. She is the Slayer. She slays. But I am the vision girl."

"Cordy, you don't even like your visions. They cause you pain and knock you out each time."

"Yeah, but I get to help people."

"You still get to help people. We are all on the same side."

"I know. But whenever she shows up, Angel drops everything and forgets about the rest of us."

"Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Why should I be jealous?"

"Because Angel is spending time with Buffy."

"Together with Connor," Cordy added, realizing too late what she had let slip.

"Ah, so you are afraid she will take your place in Angel's life."

"They can't... She can't stay. She won't. And he won't let her."

"Then you have no reason to be upset. She'll leave as soon as she is better."

TBC

* * *

**Note:** Thanks for sticking with the story. Hope you enjoyed it so far.


	4. More Questions and More Answers

**CHAPTER 4 – More Questions and More Answers**

**Note: **

In my universe, the Oracles are still alive, or alive again, whatever you prefer. I mean, they are supposed to be all powerful. How could they have been killed? Even if that was possible, how come there were no new Oracles? So here, there are Oracles.

* * *

Wesley was sitting in Angel's office. His head was throbbing painfully. Fred had been kind enough to bring him some aspirin, but that hadn't helped much. The bump on his head had the size of a scone. At least that's how big it felt. And he was tense, very tense, which wasn't really helpful either. He was waiting for Angel, had been waiting for hours now.

When Wesley had gone to hand Connor over to Holtz, he had had second thoughts. He had almost reached the empty warehouse, where he was supposed to meet Holtz, when he decided to turn around and find another way to keep Connor safe. But Holtz had already spotted him. Wesley had tried to talk his way out of it, but Holtz had not been the least interested in talking at all. He had simply knocked Wesley out cold and taken Connor. Once Wesley had regained consciousness, he had gone back to the hotel to confess what he had done. He'd told them where he had last seen Holtz and Angel and Gunn had been off. But not before Angel had threatened to find Wesley and kill him, if he wouldn't be there when they got back. So here he was, hours later, still waiting and facing an uncertain future. He had heard some commotion in the lobby a while ago, but still didn't know what was going on. Everybody seemed to have forgotten about him. He hoped Angel had, too, but knew that was rather unlikely.

When Angel finally came back, he had Connor on his arm and went straight to the phone, not even looking at Wesley once. He didn't even sit down when he started to dial. While the phone rang on the other side, Angel gave Wesley a murderous glance. He looked even angrier than he had a few hours ago, if that was even possible.

"Giles? …Yeah, it's Angel. … Yes, everything is fine, more or less. … Listen, Buffy asked me to call you. I am not sure if the others have told you or even noticed, but Buffy is here in LA. She had a prophetic dream and came here last night to help me out with something. She got a little hurt in the process. … No, don't worry. But she hurt her shoulder and I don't think she should be driving like that. I'd like her to stay at least until tomorrow or the day after. … No, no, it's just a precaution. … She's sleeping right now. We all had a long sleepless night. But she asked me to tell you everything is fine. … If you could tell everyone where she is and that she's okay. … Sure, I'll tell her. … Yes, I'll let you know."

Angel hung up and glared at Wesley again. "Spill it, Wesley, if you want to get out of here alive."

"Buffy is here? Is she okay? What happened? Did she get Connor back from Holtz?"

"My patience is wearing thin, Wesley. I will ask the questions. You took my son. You kidnapped him. You handed him to my sworn enemy," Angel yelled. "I am giving you this one chance. What were you thinking?"

The yelling caused Connor to start fussing and squirming. Angel gently rocked him. "Ssh, I wasn't yelling at you."

"Maybe he-" Wesley started.

"You have lost every right to give me any advice about my son!" Angel growled.

Connor began to cry.

"Ssh, ssh, Connor, it's alright." Angel continued rocking him. "I'm sorry. Everything is okay." The harder Angel tried to calm Connor down, the harder Connor cried. Finally, Angel gave up and went in search of Fred or Cordelia. He was glad when he found Fred first. He couldn't take much more arguing, blaming or yelling right now.

"Fred, could you take Connor? I have to talk to Wesley."

"Sure."

"He should have been fast asleep by now. He was basically awake the whole night."

"You were screaming at Wesley. No wonder Connor started to cry," Fred stated matter-of-factly.

"Um… yes… I guess.," Angel admitted.

"Go _talk_ to Wesley then, I bet it has been very productive so far. I'll take Connor so you can scream at Wesley some more - undisturbed," Fred said mockingly and walked away.

Angel sighed and went back to his office. This day was somehow getting worse and worse. He took his time closing the door and sat down on the edge of the desk, making a conscious effort to calm down a bit before confronting Wesley again. "Talk!"

"Is Buffy alright?" Wesley asked again.

"If you really want to know, no, she is not alright. She almost got killed trying to undo what you did. Are you happy now?"

Wesley looked guiltily at the floor.

Angel came over to where Wesley was sitting, placing his hands on the armrests, effectively trapping Wesley in his chair. With his face just inches away from Wesley's, Angel said, "I could have lost the two most important people to me in one night. Because of you!"

"I… I didn't mean… I…" Wesley stammered, not daring to look at Angel.

"Last chance, Wesley."

"I found this prophecy."

Angel went back to his desk and leaned against it, crossing his arms. "What prophecy?"

"It's old and complicated… it's a long story."

"Make it short!"

"It said you would kill your son."

"Why haven't I heard about this until now?"

Wesley looked up and directly at Angel. "I tried to tell you last night, but you were more interested in threatening me."

"I meant before last night."

"Would you have listened?"

"Of course I…," Angel trailed off. No, he probably wouldn't. He hadn't even wanted to listen to what Buffy had to say.

"Exactly," Wesley said, getting a bit bolder now, "because when it comes to Connor you are not thinking rationally. You would have dismissed it as a lie or as irrelevant. I thought so, too, at first. But the prophecy seems to be authentic. And then Holtz came along. It was wrong of me to trust him. But by the time I realized that, it was already too late."

"How could you possibly have trusted Holtz?" Angel asked, pacing back and forth. "Nobody would be that stupid."

"I don't know. Of course, in hindsight, it was stupid. But - and try not to take this the wrong way - everybody was basically going crazy over Connor. You were all in a haze, in a cloud of let's play happy family. We are a family, but we are far from normal. We should know better. It was just too perfect. There is always something lurking around the next corner. But all you could think about was Connor here and Connor there. I don't blame you, I understand. But there was nobody here who would have wanted to listen to any dreadful scenarios involving Connor. I mean, you hardly even blinked twice when Darla showed up pregnant. You would have never accepted that anything concerning Connor could be dark or evil. Holtz was willing to listen and he seemed genuinely concerned about Connor. I thought that maybe… if Holtz had looked after him for a while and Connor had been gone, you would have come to your senses and listened to me."

"Great thinking, Wes, giving my son to someone who hates my guts. Didn't it occur to you that he could have hurt Connor just to get to me?"

"I… he really seemed worried about Connor's future. He believed the prophecy was real."

"You should have told me, Wesley."

"Yes, I should have. I'm so sorry."

"That's not gonna cut it."

"I know," Wesley said downcast.

"Who else is involved in this?"

"I don't know. I presume it's possible that there might be somebody else. But I only had contact with Holtz."

Angel was so angry. One of his best friends had betrayed him. But on the other hand he should have been more cautious himself. He usually was the one who was suspicious to a fault. And when it had mattered the most he had failed. He had failed his son. He should have noticed that something was going on, that Wesley had been up to something.

"May I ask what happened with Buffy and Holtz?" Wesley interrupted Angel's brooding.

"Holtz is dead."

"Oh." Wesley wasn't really surprised about that.

"And you have no idea how close you came to being dead as well. You can thank Buffy that you are still in one piece."

"How is she? What happened?"

"She was hurt badly. Holtz is a pretty good swordsman and Buffy only had a metal pipe to fight back. She must have lost it at some point though, letting herself get cut trying to protect Connor. If we'd been just a few minutes later…" Angel was back on the roof, seeing Buffy barely being able to stand. "God, she stood so close to the edge. She could have fallen any moment… she was bleeding everywhere…"

"I'm sorry," Wesley said. And he truly was. He never wanted anybody to get hurt.

Wesley's apology tore Angel from his reverie. "Go home, Wesley. I don't want to see you for a while. Besides, with that bump on your head you won't be very useful for any research either. We will look into that prophecy, but not right now. Go home."

Wesley stood up and made his way to the door. "Do you mind if I look in on Buffy?"

"I do. She's asleep."

"Well… um… okay then. Call me if you need me."

Angel didn't answer. He had his back to Wesley and was deep in thought. After a few minutes, he went to look for Connor. He could hear him still crying.

Cordelia was walking back and forth in the lobby, holding Connor against her shoulder and rocking him, while Fred was sitting on the stairs, trying to cheer up him by making funny faces. When she saw Angel approaching, Cordelia said, "Maybe he did get hurt."

Angel took Connor from her and gently rocked him. "He doesn't have one bruise. You checked him yourself, as did Gunn."

"I guess Buffy checked him, too," Cordelia said snappishly.

"Cordy, will you please stop blaming this whole situation on Buffy. Be angry at Holtz or Wesley or even me. But Buffy had nothing to do with it. I understand we all had a long and exhausting night, our nerves are raw, but still, let's try to keep everything in perspective."

"Sorry," Cordelia replied appropriately remorseful. "And yes, I am tired. And so should Connor. And before he doesn't stop crying, none of us will get any sleep. And I am sure Buffy did everything in her power to protect him. But excuse me if I seem kind of overprotective here, but we almost lost him once today. I don't want to risk his life just because we _thought_ he was alright."

Angel was sure Connor was alright. He didn't have one single scratch on his body, and he hadn't cried once until he had yelled at Wesley. If Connor had been in pain he would have let them know before. But Cordelia knew exactly what buttons to push. And it worked.

"Okay, okay, take him to the hospital to get him checked out. Let me just look in on Buffy. If she is not better, I want her to go with you. She lost a lot of blood and seemed a bit disoriented at times."

* * *

Despite how exhausted Buffy was, the pain kept her from falling into a deep sleep. Buffy was still hurting everywhere and had been dozing on and off for a while now.

When Angel came in to check on her, he had a very unhappy Connor on his arm. "Hey, you should be asleep."

"Hey," Buffy said groggily.

Angel sat down on the bed and put a hand to her forehead to see if she might have developed a fever. Buffy didn't protest at all. She was more focused on Connor.

"Hey, sweety, are you grumpy? Did daddy yell at people? He tends to do that. But don't worry, he's not angry at you." She gave Angel a teasing look.

"I did not yell."

"I could hear you up here."

"Oh… yeah, maybe I was a bit… loud."

Buffy reached out her hand and gently stroked Connor's cheek. "Hey, don't cry. Everything is alright now. Nobody will hurt you anymore." Connor started to quiet down. Angel just looked on in wonder.

"Put him down. You are all tense and grumpy. No wonder Connor is crying. You are not a good role model if you run around like this in front of your son. You don't want him to be all broody and moody when he grows up."

"No, I don't," Angel said taken aback. He laid Connor down next to her and closely observed what would happen.

Buffy gently brushed Connor's tears away and then soothed him by making circular movements on his stomach. Finally, Connor stopped crying completely and looked curiously at Buffy.

"Wow," Angel said mesmerized.

"What?"

"He's been crying for almost an hour. We were worried he might have been hurt after all and wanted to take him to the hospital. But he seems perfectly fine now."

Buffy inspected Connor closely, felt every rib and limb. He started giggling. "You ticklish, little man?"

"You are good with kids," Angel said carefully.

"Well, Dawn would probably object to that statement."

"Dawn is a teenager. That's different. She has to disagree as a matter of principle. I mean it, Buffy, you are a natural. Fred, Cordy and me tried every trick to calm him down but failed miserably."

"Your tension probably just transferred to Connor. Shouldn't you be resting, too? It's day time."

"I doubt I'd be able to, even if I tried."

"What did Wesley say?"

"I really don't want to talk about Wesley now, okay?" Angel needed time to think everything through first. And he didn't want to risk another argument.

Buffy smiled at him reassuringly. She could see that even Angel was tired by now. "Okay."

"I'll tell you all about it when we all got some rest."

"Sure."

"If you stay a bit, that is. By the way, I called Giles. He said to tell you to get well soon and that they'll be able to manage without you for a few days and not to worry."

"Thanks."

"No, thank you." Angel looked affectionately at Buffy and then at Connor, who had fallen asleep next to her. Buffy followed his gaze and smiled.

"One down," Buffy said.

"Several to go. Oh, I almost forgot. The others are still waiting downstairs. I'll be right back."

Angel told the others that Connor had finally fallen asleep and that they should go to bed and get some sleep as well. Even Cordelia was too tired to protest or offer any snide remarks.

When Angel came back he handed Buffy a glass of water and some pills. "Here, take these."

Buffy eyed them suspiciously.

"Buffy, you look like hell. You must be dead tired, but somehow I don't think you've been able to sleep."

"I don't want to be knocked out."

"You need to sleep to get better."

"I know, but I can't afford to be comatose. I need to be able to wake up in case something happens."

"Like what?"

"Like somebody trying to kidnap Connor again?"

Angel was touched by her concern for Connor. "Don't worry, these won't knock you out. They'll just ease the pain."

Buffy didn't seem convinced. Angel sighed. "Please, Buffy. I promise these won't knock you out. Want me to get the package insert?"

"I'll take them, if you promise to get some rest, too. Deal?"

Angel sighed. "Deal."

Buffy took the pills.

"Anything else I can get you? Another blanket maybe or more pillows?"

"I'm fine. Stop fussing." If Buffy was honest with herself, she liked the fussing to a degree. It felt good to have somebody else worry about her for a change.

Angel carefully picked up Connor. "Okay then. And it should be quiet now. Everybody is trying to catch up on some sleep. But if you need anything, just yell. I'll hear you."

"Same goes for you and Connor." Angel looked at her confused. "If Connor wakes up and you need help putting him back to sleep," Buffy clarified.

Angel smiled. Maybe he hadn't messed up completely yet. "Thanks. I really hope he sleeps through though. We all could use the extra rest."

Buffy nodded but had trouble keeping her eyes open. By the time Angel reached the door, Buffy was already asleep. Angel quietly closed the door behind him. "Two down, one to go."

* * *

Angel put Connor in his crib. He would have preferred to just keep holding him after today's events, but Buffy was probably right. He was tense and restless and didn't want to wake Connor. Angel lay down and tried to catch some sleep himself. But so many things were going through his mind. Connor's abduction, Cordelia's behavior, Wesley's words and Buffy's words. He was going over and over their earlier conversation in his mind. He couldn't get her words out of his head. But Angel couldn't do much right now anyway, everybody else was asleep, it was still light outside and he didn't want to leave Connor alone. So he tried to doze a bit and finally fell into a light slumber.

He was awoken several hours later when he heard some noise from the lobby. It was already dark outside. Angel went to see who was there and found Gunn.

"Hey, how is our guest?" Gunn greeted him.

"Hopefully still asleep. I have something I need to check out. Can you watch Connor for a while? The others are still sleeping."

"Sure, no problem."

"Thanks."

Angel had not been able to get Buffy's words out of his mind. Was his ignoring Connor's origin maybe endangering him? He had counted on Wesley researching for him. And Wesley had kept things from him. And not everything was written in some books. Maybe they needed to expand their resources. Angel made his way to see the Oracles.

* * *

"How can it be possible that I have a son with Darla?" Angel demanded from the Oracles.

"Have you brought us a gift?"

"A gift?" Angel asked outraged. "I don't think you deserve one. You owe me an explanation. How can I possibly have a son with Darla?"

"He is your son. But Darla was nothing more but a surrogate. Vampires can't have children," the female Oracle said as if it were obvious. "They wouldn't care for them. You have a soul, you care for your son."

"But if Darla isn't… then who…?"

The Oracles waited for Angel to make the connection himself. When he just looked at them puzzled, the male Oracle went on, raising a disapproving eyebrow, "You were told before that it was meant to be, that you were meant to be with her - several times actually - but it seems like you weren't listening."

"Are you saying that Buffy is Connor's mother?" Angel asked aghast.

"Biologically, yes, she was always meant to be."

"How can that be? It's not possible."

"And Darla being his mother is so much more likely?" the male Oracle mocked.

"Last time I saw her we didn't-"

The female interrupted him, "Your son's conception happened quite a while back, we just kept him safe until the time was right. Actually, the time had been right then, but you messed up."

"If Buffy is really Connor's mother, why take him from her? At least she wouldn't have been so alone."

"We are not talking about when you became Angelus. We are talking about the day you wanted undone."

"Thanksgiving?"

"Yes, we allowed you to become human. On the very day that the Slayer came to LA. Quite a coincidence, don't you think? How many signs do you need?"

Angel didn't answer. He was just trying to take this all in.

"The Mohra demon was just part of the plan. You wanted your humanity, we gave it to you. You wanted Buffy, we gave her to you. Then you decided it wasn't want you wanted."

"I didn't want her to die," Angel protested.

"How noble," the female Oracle mocked him.

"And she died anyway," Angel yelled accusingly, remembering the pain he had felt.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it was always meant to be. We never said she wouldn't die, if we took your humanity. That was just your wishful thinking. And she came back, didn't she?"

"You mean I did it for nothing? It never changed a thing?"

"Your humanity wasn't what endangered the Slayer's life. Your foolishness did. Nobody forced you to hunt down the demon on your own. If you had told the Slayer from the beginning, she wouldn't have had to rescue you. Even without your humanity she saved your life more than once. Why did you think that would change? And you saved her life in return. Your lives will always be in danger, humanity or not."

"But I couldn't have protected her if I had stayed human."

"She is the Slayer. She can look out for herself. Besides, you sent her away and now she lives too far away for you to protect her anyway. Why couldn't you just have accepted what was given to you? Why didn't you hold on to what you wanted? And now you are waiting for the day you get your Shanshu. It is the same thing. Why do you want Shanshu? What is the difference? Is it more worth when it is given to you with a letter of recommendation and has a fancy name?"

Angel didn't know what to say. He was shocked by what the Oracles were revealing to him.

"Will you also forego Shanshu, if somebody tells you Buffy will die? She is mortal. She is the Slayer. Of course she will, some day, and very likely earlier than most human beings. Why waste the time she has with staying apart and hoping to delay something that is inevitable? You've lived long enough, you should know better. What are you waiting for? The perfect moment? You should know there isn't such a thing. And she won't wait for you always. One day she will decide she has waited long enough for you to make up your damn mind."

"But why take Connor from her and give him to Darla? Why not tell me? Why not make me see I was wrong?"

"You were not ready. The Slayer would have been. But if we had denied your request to turn back that day, you would eventually have sent her away again."

"So? At least she would have had Connor. She wanted him. She is miserable because she thinks he isn't hers. Why take him from her?"

"It would have been too risky. She wouldn't have remembered his conception."

"Are you saying she would have aborted him? Buffy would never do that."

"No, the Slayer would never abort your child. She just proved she would give her life for his, even without knowing he was hers, too. No, she would have become reckless after being sent away and she wouldn't even have known she was pregnant. She could have hurt herself and unknowingly her child before she found out. The timing wasn't right."

"But what about now? Obviously you thought the time was right now. Why give him to Darla?" Angel asked angrily.

"We needed an act of passion to reintroduce him into the world. We cannot create life. We can help it along. We can prolong life. We can alter life and influence it. But creation is not ours. Besides, immaculate conceptions are so clichéd, don't you think?"

"Why not give him to Buffy?"

"It needed to be clear that he is your son."

"He isn't even Darla's," Angel yelled.

"Yes, but you believed he was yours. That's the point."

"But why take him from Buffy?" Angel asked again. "She has been through hell, why keep her son from her? She didn't deserve it."

"We just kept with your pattern. She didn't know. How could it hurt her?"

"She had a right to know. He is her son. He has a right to know. He has a right to know that he has the kindest mother in the world and not some vamp who had one moment of sanity."

"Yes, we think so, too. But would you have understood that before? You always thought you have to keep things from her, make decisions for her."

"Is that your cruel way of teaching me? How could you?" Angel was beside himself with anger.

"We answered your question," the female Oracle said annoyed. "Be gone."

"Just one more piece of advice," the male Oracle said, "this time for free. Before you tell the Slayer - if you tell her at all - think carefully about what happens afterwards, very carefully. Don't mess up our plans again. Otherwise we will be just rid of you. Your son is born. Others can take care of him now."

With a wave of his hand, Angel was thrown out, leaving only the two Oracles behind.

"We would never kill him," the female Oracle said irritated.

"No, we wouldn't. But he doesn't need to know that. The Slayer would not approve. She needs him. But this is the last time we use a vampire with a soul as a warrior for our side. We never had as much trouble as with him. All this guilt messes up our plans. Amateurs! Never again!"

"You have to admit that the guilt is a great motivation."

"Yes, but it should not have been stronger than love."

"The love _was_ stronger, we just underestimated him. We thought he would be more selfish. But he didn't feel he deserved her. And right now you just tried to lead him astray again. You know she will never forgive him, if he doesn't tell her the truth and she finds out later. That would be an absolute disaster."

"Yes, but we've given him too many hints already. Wasn't Whistler clear enough? She even got him out of hell. And still he turns his back. I understand that he wouldn't take what the Mohra demon said at face value, he was a demon after all. And it was open to interpretation."

"That was a very tricky one, all true, but tricky," the female Oracle chuckled amused. "But why tempt him to go astray again? That is not in our interests. It is in nobody's interest."

"This vampire just makes me so angry sometimes. Over two centuries old and still as stupid as a bean."

"Come on, now you are exaggerating. He is not that bad. Not everyone can be as wise as you and me," the female Oracle tried to placate him.

"I guess," the male Oracle said and shrugged his shoulders.

"You have to admit though, that even we did get lucky. Imagine if he hadn't slept with Darla. We can be glad that dead vampire came along. At least she was good for something. That lawyer firm played right into our hands."

"If she hadn't come back from the dead, we might have had to help him along with someone else then. That colleague of his seems to be interested in him."

"Do you think the Slayer will be able to overlook his indiscretion with his sire?"

"You heard what the Slayer said to him before. He is lucky Darla came along. If we had had to use his colleague instead… I don't see how even we could have ever undone that mess afterwards."

TBC


	5. Hope and Fear

**CHAPTER 5 – Hope and Fear**

**Note:**

Thanks for all the reviews! Sorry it took me so long to update this.

* * *

Angel was still in shock when he made his way back to the hotel. He was extremely angry at the Oracles. And at himself. Had it really been his fault that this all had happened? Was he the one who had ultimately deprived Buffy of her child? Was it really Buffy's child or were the Oracles just using them for their purposes? He even started doubting if Connor was really his son. Darla wasn't Connor's mother and she had given birth to him. And what about the prophecy? Nothing made sense anymore. He was completely confused and frustrated. No, it wasn't his fault, at least not solely his fault. The Oracles could have told him. For them it was all a game. Sometimes Angel got the feeling that he was their own personal entertainment. Why hadn't they told him? Why?

What should he do now? Even if Buffy was Connor's mother, she couldn't even remember his conception. Would she even believe him? Had he finally messed up for good? He had kept her from her son. It had been unintentional, but still. Would she ever forgive him? Then he remembered her words, his words. _No matter what happened or will happen_. But did that cover this situation as well? He hoped so, because if not, he would never forgive himself. He had to think this through first, there was no margin for error. He couldn't mess this up. He wouldn't. But he needed a plan. He needed proof. He wanted to tell her right now. But after their last conversation, the chances were good that this one would end even more disastrous, if he wasn't prepared. And at the moment he was far from in control of his emotions. Angel desperately wanted to smash something. He was only a block away from the hotel when he decided that it would be better if he let off some steam first, maybe take out a vamp nest or something.

* * *

A dozen vamps and three demons later, Angel finally felt calm enough to face Buffy and he made his way back to the hotel. He had decided to not tell her what he had learned, for now.

"Where is Connor?" Angel asked Fred when he came into the lobby.

"With Buffy. He started fussing again."

"Did you wake her up?" he asked not too pleased with the thought.

"No, no, I checked. She was awake, said she couldn't sleep anymore anyway because of the pain," Fred said quickly. "She said she didn't mind at all. And Connor likes her."

Angel smiled at that thought. "I know."

* * *

Buffy was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. She was leaning over Connor, who was lying in front of her, making funny faces at him. When she noticed Angel, she said, "I wish Dawn would be so easy to please when she gets into one of her moods."

"Have you ever tried it?" he asked, quietly observing the interaction between the Slayer and his son.

"No, she already considers me weird beyond help, I don't wanna add to that."

Angel just smiled at her. "How are you?"

"Better."

"That's not what you told Fred."

"Nosy."

"I do have a detective agency. Give me some credit," Angel said with a smile.

"I just couldn't lie down anymore."

"Anything I can get you?"

"No, thanks, Fred is waiting on me like I was a hero."

"You are a hero," Angel said. She probably didn't hear that often enough.

"Even Cordy was here and apologized. You didn't threaten her or anything, did you?"

Angel smirked. "Define 'threaten'?"

"Funny. Are you here to get Connor?" Buffy asked a bit disappointedly.

"No, I just wanted to see you. See you both. Talk to you a bit."

"Talk about what?"

"I don't know. Anything you want. How is it going in Sunnydale?"

"It's been… hard, since…"

"We don't have to talk about it. Sorry, bad choice. Just pick something."

"No, it's okay. The others just pretend it never happened and act like nothing has changed."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. And if they can't deal with it, they can't deal with it. Nothing I can do about that."

"It's your life, Buffy. If you don't feel like playing the happy and content Buffy for them, then don't. Don't do it for their benefit. Don't hide behind a façade because it's easier on them. They made a mistake in bringing you back."

Buffy looked down at Connor again. A faint smile appeared on her face. "Well, I would have never gotten to meet Connor, if they hadn't made that mistake."

"That's true."

And Angel was damn happy as well that Buffy had been brought back from the dead. But at the same time he was furious with the Sunnydale gang that they had deprived Buffy of her well-deserved peace. He only wanted the best for Buffy, and if that meant that she had stayed in heaven, he would have accepted it and been content with that. But it didn't change the fact that his heart leapt with joy that Buffy was back among the living, back in the same plane of existence he was living in. Simply the thought made him more complete and content with his own existence. And maybe Connor's existence could make her life more bearable now, just as Connor had given his own life meaning.

"Don't you want to hold him?" Angel asked.

"Better not, I might drop him. I still don't trust that shoulder."

Wordlessly, Angel got up and picked up his son. "Scoot back a bit," Angel told Buffy.

Buffy was a bit confused but obliged. Angel put Connor down on her lap and sat down behind her, leaning against the headboard. He took a pillow and put it between Buffy and himself.

"Lean back."

Buffy complied.

"Is your back okay like that? Are you comfortable?"

Buffy just nodded.

Angel reached around her, being careful to avoid her shoulder and picked up Connor, holding him to Buffy's chest. "Here, take him."

Buffy put her arms under Connor and Angel gently extracted his own arms from the boy, putting them back under Buffy's to support her.

"Why are you going to so much trouble to-"

"Ssh, relax. Just enjoy." He gently nuzzled her hair. This was almost like heaven, his own little family. He prayed that everything would turn out the way he hoped. But for now he just wanted to enjoy the closeness with Buffy and his son.

"You don't have to humor me because I saved his life," Buffy said.

"I'm not."

Angel knew he wasn't playing fair. He wouldn't risk telling Buffy until he was sure. She'd be too devastated if Connor wasn't her son after all. Right now she was fine. She seemed to have come to accept Connor, even though she believed he was Darla's son. But if he gave her hope and that hope turned into nothing, he didn't even want to think about that. He couldn't do that to her. Her devastation when she had first found out about Connor would be nothing compared to that. Angel desperately wanted to share what he had been told by the Oracles with her. But he had to be patient, for her sake. Angel believed that Connor was Buffy's son and he wanted her to love the boy like he loved him, despite how he was conceived and who had given birth to Connor.

"If Cordy sees us like this she's gonna freak, right?" Buffy asked in jest.

Angel had to chuckle at the picture this conjured in his mind. "Yeah. Want me to call her?"

"No," she whispered back contently and snuggled closer into Angel's chest.

Buffy knew this was dangerous territory. The closer they got, the harder it would be to leave again. But then, she had earned a little break and some tender, loving care. She needed this. For the moment it kept her going. Maybe the prophetic dream had not only been for Connor's sake, but for her sake as well. She felt so safe. She hadn't felt so relaxed for ages. If she could only always have him this close. Maybe then she would get more sleep and fewer nightmares. Well, usually waking up was the bigger nightmare. But if she could fall asleep in Angel's arms, maybe that would lessen her nightmares. Or even better, waking up in his arms. Stop the wishful thinking, Buffy admonished herself.

Angel noticed that the tiredness was slowly getting the better of Buffy again as she started drifting off to sleep. As much as he wanted to stay right here, he had something important to take care of. Buffy would want to go back to Sunnydale as soon as she was up to it. He had to get proof he could present her with. And he had to think of how they would do this.

"Get some more rest. It'll help with the healing," Angel said, carefully extracting himself from behind Buffy and helping her lie down, still with Connor in her arms. "You want me to take him?"

Buffy seemed reluctant to give Connor up just yet.

"Only if he bothers you," Angel added quickly. "I have to go out again anyway. But I can call Fred or Cordy to take him off your hands. I don't want him to disturb you if he wakes up. You still need your rest."

"He doesn't bother me at all." Just the thought of handing Connor over to somebody else made her somehow uncomfortable.

Angel smiled. "Okay, if you really don't mind, he can sleep here as well as anywhere else."

"You want him to sleep here with me?"

"Why not? He looks so peaceful."

"I could roll over in my sleep. I could crush him."

"Don't worry, you won't." Angel grabbed some pillows. "I do it all the time. We'll put some pillows around him, so he can't fall off the bed."

Buffy was speechless. Being trusted with Connor meant a lot to her. She and Angel hardly saw each other anymore, but still he trusted her with his son. He could have just as well given him to Cordelia or Fred who obviously had a positive track record of looking after Connor.

"If you need any help, just tell the others. They are downstairs."

"So, you are you going out alone? On patrol?"

"No, I have some business to take care of."

"Oh."

Angel took her hand and tenderly stroked his thumb over her skin. "But I can stay a while longer. I'll stay until you fall asleep, okay?"

"I'd like that."

Buffy looked at the sleeping Connor. She was simply mesmerized by the sight. How could such a small person make his way into her heart so quickly, when hardly anything else these days was able to move her heart at all?

Angel waited until she had fallen asleep and then made his way into the bathroom, where he found the brush she had been using.

* * *

"Connor is still upstairs with Buffy," Angel informed the others when he came downstairs.

"I've never seen her so clingy with anybody," Cordelia said. "Well, except for that one Halloween night, when she couldn't remember who she was. God, that was so annoying."

"I need to go out again. But I shouldn't be away for too long."

"Want some company?" Gunn asked.

"No, I… um… have some business to take care of, non-demon business. Besides, I'd feel better if you stayed here in case anybody tries to make another attempt to get Connor. Buffy is in no condition to fight. Not that it would keep her from doing it anyway."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be here. Don't worry about it. You can count on me."

"I know. Thanks, Gunn."

* * *

Angel needed some outside help with what he had in mind. So he went to see Lucas, who helped him occasionally on some of his cases.

"Hello, Lucas."

"Hi, Angel. What can I do for you?"

"I need you to do a DNA analysis on this material." Angel handed him three ziploc bags.

"What exactly do you want to know?"

"I need you to find out if these are the samples of the biological parents." He had labeled the three bags with the terms 'mother', 'father' and 'child'.

"Sounds like an interesting case you have there."

"Actually, it's very personal. One of those samples is mine."

"Oh, do you doubt that Connor is your son? That his mother lied to you?" Lucas didn't know Angel too well. They worked together occasionally. But he knew that Angel had a son. Lucas had never met the mother. But he was aware that she was out of the picture.

"I have no doubt I am the father, not really. But babies get switched all the time. And… we had trouble conceiving, so…," Angel lied.

"If I may ask, did you use in vitro fertilization?"

Angel had to think on his feet. "No, but his conception was kind of unexpected and, well, you never know. And I have some powerful enemies, I'd never put it beyond them to have done something to his mother or my son."

"Do you have any reason to believe your son was switched or that there was any foul play involved?" Lucas asked interested.

"No, no, not really, but as a private investigator, you wouldn't believe some of the cases I get. I just want to make sure that my family really is what I think it is."

"I understand. I guess with your job, the things you see make anything seem possible, even if it is highly unlikely."

"Yeah."

"I'll have the results in a couple of days. I'll call you."

"Thanks a lot. The sooner you have them the better. I owe you one."

"I'll be as quick as I can. And don't worry. I'm sure it'll be just what you expect."

"I really hope so."

* * *

The few days would give Angel time to figure everything else out. He would not risk hurting Buffy by getting her hopes up before he wasn't absolutely sure. But what if she didn't share his hopes? What if she didn't want a child? But only last night she had said that she had wanted to have his child, but that had been highly theoretical. She had been devastated after he had turned to Angelus, naturally she would have embraced something from him. But now, after all that had happened between them, would she still feel the same? Angel was terribly afraid of the answer to that question. Even if Connor was hers, he had still slept with Darla. And Darla had given birth to him. It was his fault that Buffy hadn't gotten the chance to feel her son grow in her belly.

And she had her own life in Sunnydale. He would be upsetting it again, irreversibly. As the Slayer she had enough responsibilities to carry on her shoulders already. She didn't need the burden of a baby. Hell, even he had been terribly afraid when faced with fatherhood and he had had time to prepare for it mentally. For her it would be a complete shock. Would she forgive him for messing up her life again? But then Angel remembered how Buffy looked at Connor. That gave him hope.

Angel hoped the DNA results wouldn't take too long. He had to tell Buffy as soon as possible. He couldn't keep something like that from her. He couldn't keep his son from his mother, now that it looked like he had one again. He would never deny Connor that. And he had no right to deny Buffy that, if she wanted it. If not, he would deal. But there was nothing he wished for more than her embracing their child with all her heart, with all the love he knew she had to give and was capable of. God, he wished for that so much. The thought that Buffy could reject him and Connor, or that she might reject Connor because of the mistakes Angel had made was unbearable.

The Oracles' words came back to him: _Don't mess up our plans again._ Angel wouldn't mess up again. It was not an option. But he had to figure out some options for Buffy, for them, before he told her anything. He had left Sunnydale because he hadn't had a plan for their future together, because he hadn't been able to see one for them. He hadn't even dared to day-dream about a future together. Angel had often considered going back to Sunnydale. They'd both been happier back then. They were both more mature now. He believed they could handle a relationship. Maybe the Oracles were right, maybe Buffy had always been ready, but he hadn't been. And Angel had always been afraid that if he asked her for a second chance that this time she would turn away from him. He would understand completely. How could she trust him to not pull off the same thing again? He knew it wasn't quite fair to her, but he hoped that with Connor she'd give him another chance to prove himself. But first he had to make sure that Buffy would not leave before the test results came back.

TBC


	6. Hidden Truths and Open Lies

**CHAPTER 6 – Hidden Truths and Open Lies**

**Note:**

Thanks for all the reviews!

And since one can't review a review, let me say here how funny that eye ball comment was. I hope you won't have to do it though ;-)

* * *

"Here, I got you some clothes," Angel said and handed Buffy a shopping bag.

"Oh, thanks." Buffy took out the clothes and inspected them. "They might actually fit," she said impressed.

"I do know your size." He had actually indicated her height with the aid of his own body to the sales assistant. He knew exactly how tall Buffy was compared to him. He had also been able to indicate her waist size and whatever else the assistant had needed to know with his hands and very accurate descriptions. It might not have been the most professional means to acquire clothes in the right size, but it had certainly been a very intimate and accurate account. The sales assistant had been rather envious that such an observant male even existed and that he was obviously already taken.

"We should change your bandages. Maybe you don't even need them anymore," Angel said.

"Okay."

"I'll get Fred or Cordelia. Any preference?"

Buffy looked at him funnily. "You did it last time."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Had he changed his mind about them already? Again? Or had he simply lied to her to make her feel better?

"You were pretty out of it. You are not anymore."

"So?"

"Buffy…" How to tell her that he was still as attracted to her as ever, if not more? "You… I… we…" he stammered.

"Oh… you mean…?"

"Yeah," Angel sighed relieved that Buffy had caught on.

"Well, then… whoever has time. I'm not picky."

Angel thought about that for a moment. If he was honest with himself, he didn't really trust anybody else with her care. Cordelia would probably not be overly gentle or thorough. Fred might be too timid and careful. Gunn was absolutely out of the question. And nobody could estimate as well as him how quickly Buffy healed and therefore which wounds would need ointment again and which could be neglected because of her superior healing powers.

"What the hell… I'll be right back." If he wanted them to get together again, they would have to deal with these things eventually. They had to start somewhere. Now was as good as any other time. Angel left to get the supplies.

When he came back he closed the door behind him.

"You are doing it after all?" Buffy asked confused.

"Yes."

"What changed your mind?"

"Don't want anybody else touching you," Angel almost growled through his teeth.

Buffy turned her back to him and smiled. She unbuttoned her shirt and exposed her back to him, using the shirt to cover her front. Angel carefully pulled off the tape that was holding the bandages to her back.

Angel was glad to see that most of them had closed. The minor ones had already closed completely. "I'm just gonna redress two of these, mainly just to make lying on your back easier for you."

"Okay."

When he was finished, he said, "Give me your arm." Buffy turned slightly and Angel cut the bandages of her right arm, revealing some still ugly cuts. "I'm simply gonna rewrap your whole arm again. That would be the easiest."

Buffy just nodded. By now she understood why Angel had been so reluctant to patch her up himself at first. She felt slightly exposed, being so close to him and almost naked. He was extremely gentle. So gentle in fact, that each touch was more like a caress rather than the usual detached movements of someone redressing a wound. Angel carefully bandaged her arm again, making sure to leave out the joint so that Buffy wasn't too restricted in her movements. For Angel to reach the other arm, Buffy had to face him completely again. The left arm was even worse, especially the shoulder. This time even Angel's gentle touch couldn't keep her from wincing when he put some ointment on the wounds.

"Sorry," Angel said and looked as if this hurt him just as much as it hurt her. "But at least it isn't infected."

"I'll live. I've had worse," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

"I know," Angel said sorrowfully. He knew she'd had worse and he hated that it had become a fact of life for her.

Buffy noticed Angel's change in mood. "Sorry, didn't mean to kill the mood," she tried to joke, but Angel just looked at her sadly. "Really, Angel, it's okay."

"No, it's not. It shouldn't have to be that way."

"It's how it's always gonna be. We fight to make this world a better place. Someone has to do it. And as long as you don't expect a thank you or a reward, you won't be disappointed."

Angel was shocked to hear such words from Buffy. When had she gotten this indifferent and disillusioned? She used to be this passionate person who was bubbling over with positive energy. Angel had admired her spirit and wit. Had all that been crushed by being the Slayer for so long? Or was it still the consequence of having been dragged back from heaven? Or a combination of both? Maybe fighting for what you wanted was harder than simply fighting for what others wanted. Was that how the Council envisioned the perfect Slayer? A mechanical machine without a will of her own?

"All done."

"Thanks."

Angel was still holding her hand and seemed to be deep in thought. They must have been rather sad thoughts, Buffy judged from his face. Very softly she said, "Angel?"

"Is it really still that bad for you to be back?"

Buffy sighed. Angel was probably the only one who understood the whole extend of the burdens she carried. The others didn't, she had stopped trying to explain it to them long ago. With Angel, she felt more comfortable to talk about this. It was a relief for Buffy to be finally able to let out her true feelings. He had actually encouraged it, telling her that she shouldn't hide from him. Had those been empty words? He didn't look like he wanted to hear about her troubles. The Slayer was supposed to fight alone, Buffy reminded herself, no matter if it concerned demons or her personal troubles.

"Sometimes I still don't know what to make of it. Right now you are just getting the full force of my confusion and frustration. I'm sorry. I won't bother you with them anymore."

"No, don't. I told you, don't hide from me. I want to see the true Buffy, not some washed down public relations version."

"You might not like what you get," she warned him.

"Buffy, I have a much darker past than you. And remember, I'd still love you if you grew horns, or a tail, or scales."

"Well, no scales yet. For now you get a Buffy under wraps." Buffy raised her arms to show off her bandages, and forgot that she was holding onto her shirt with them. The shirt started to slip. Buffy quickly grabbed the shirt before she was completely exposed. But her cleavage was generously visible now.

"I don't mind that at all," Angel said sensually. He couldn't help but steal a glance at the perfect swell of her breasts, before he looked Buffy directly in the eyes. "Not at all," and this time he wasn't talking about the bandages. Still looking into Buffy's eyes, Angel gently tugged at the shirt she was holding to her chest. Buffy resisted at first but Angel was insistent. When Buffy released the shirt, Angel held it close enough to shield her from his view while holding it out for her to put it back on, never taking his eyes off hers. Buffy slipped into the shirt. But when she started buttoning it, Angel remembered the trouble she'd had last time and stopped her. "Let me."

He managed to close the buttons without exposing unnecessary amounts of skin or actually touching her.

"Thanks," Buffy managed to get out with difficulties when he had finished. That man could probably cut her toenails or wax her legs and she would still get aroused by his actions.

"You're welcome," Angel said, no less affected. Buffy could wear a flannel shirt several sizes too big or be covered in dirt and he would still get aroused by the sight or smell of her. Sweet God, he could smell her. He'd always had the advantage over her when it came to the senses. And this was a special fragrance he knew only too well. And it drove him crazy. So crazy that he couldn't help himself and leaned forward until his lips made contact with Buffy's. The taste of her was just as addicting as everything else about her. Her lips were warm and soft and willing. Buffy eagerly returned the kiss and it quickly grew more passionate. Until Angel suddenly pulled back.

"Sorry, that was a mistake."

"A mistake?" Buffy asked confused, still slightly intoxicated from the kiss.

"No, not a mistake. Just not… I shouldn't have done that." He should have waited. It wasn't the right time, not yet. Angel felt like he was blackmailing her emotionally. They weren't on the same page yet. It was wrong.

"Why not? I liked it," Buffy said with a shy grin.

"I…"

"Angel, you didn't take advantage of me or anything. I might not be a hundred percent yet, but I still could kick your ass, if I didn't want to be kissed. But I happen to like kissing you," Buffy said coyly.

"We shouldn't have done that." He was taking advantage of her, just not in the way Buffy thought. Buffy didn't know what he knew yet and Angel was taking advantage of that. If she knew what he knew, he was certain she wouldn't be that willing to kiss him.

"Angel, I know this is nothing permanent, no strings attached. We do kiss occasionally and it doesn't have to mean anything. Well, it does mean something, but what I meant is it doesn't have to change anything. I don't expect anything from you because we kissed. Okay?"

"It's not that," Angel said frustrated. He wanted her to expect something from this. He wanted them to move beyond their occasional kisses, as she called them. But as long as she was still clueless about the possible implications they shouldn't kiss.

"Is it because you have Connor now?"

"Yes… No!"

"Then what is it?"

Should he tell her? No, he had decided to wait. His actions were confusing her, but telling her of his suspicions without proof would be even worse.

"Angel, you are acting very strange," Buffy said, getting concerned.

"I'm sorry, I am just… this is not a good time."

Buffy had to laugh at that. "A good time? There has never been a good time for us."

"I know. I mean, with Connor possibly still in danger and you almost getting… well, getting hurt very badly. Maybe we are doing this for the wrong reasons, because we are confused, emotionally."

"You mean your gratitude to me for saving Connor would prompt you to kiss me even if in reality - if you could think clearly - you would not kiss me?" Buffy asked sadly.

"No! No, that's not it. Oh, God, Buffy, I am always making a mess of things, aren't I?" Angel asked dejectedly.

Now Buffy was getting really concerned. "What's wrong, Angel? Did someone threaten Connor again?"

"No."

"Then tell me. What is bothering you?" Buffy pleaded. "I just want to help you."

Why couldn't he just have kept his mouth shut? Everything would be okay then. Buffy was right. They had kissed before without expectations, at her mother's funeral for example. He was the one suddenly having expectations.

"Angel, I'm getting worried."

"Everything is okay. I am just a jerk who ruined a beautiful moment," Angel said miserably.

"Yeah, I have to agree with that."

"Sorry."

"So it wasn't a mistake after all?" Buffy prodded, still a bit insecure about what had just happened.

Angel hated himself for what he was about to do. He was a fiend. He was going to weasel his way out of this situation.

Angel gently cupped her cheek and leaned forward. "I like kissing you, too." He meant every word. But he still didn't feel good about kissing her while he was keeping something from her. He could feel her warm breath on his skin. It was stimulating. Their lips touched lightly. This time, Buffy was more hesitant. But only until he slightly opened his mouth and used his tongue as well to shatter the last of her reluctance. It made her forget every doubt that had arisen from his strange behavior. Even if she had remembered, she simply wouldn't have cared anyway. Angel himself forgot why he shouldn't be kissing her. All his reasons for holding back were gone the moment her warm and delicate tongue made contact with his. Buffy leaned closer, wanting to feel more of him. Unfortunately – or maybe luckily – Angel had the same desire and pulled her against his chest, forgetting about her injuries. Buffy cried out in pain and pressed even closer against him to avoid contact with his hands.

Angel instantly let go of her. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Buffy was breathing hard, both from the kiss and the pain. She leaned against Angel and was trying to catch her breath and concentrate on blocking out the pain. Angel cradled her against his chest as gently as he could. He leaned back a bit so she wouldn't have to use as much strength to hold herself upright. Additionally, he supported her lower back with one hand, where he knew she wasn't hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy."

"It's okay. You didn't do it on purpose." The pain was subsiding and Buffy started to relax. Leaning against him was actually almost as nice as kissing him.

"Sorry," Angel said again remorsefully.

"I'm fine. It was just the shock. You caught me by surprise."

"Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?"

"What I wouldn't give for a shower," Buffy said. But she knew that it was not an option yet with those cuts.

"Sorry, maybe tomorrow. And it would hurt more than it would do you good. But I could help you wash your hair." Angel knew how important decent looking hair was for Buffy, and probably any woman.

"Really? Would you?" Buffy asked ecstatically. She knew she would feel so much better after that.

"Sure, just let me get a chair from downstairs. Some of the old offices have those height-adjustable chairs."

Buffy smiled at him gratefully. She had wanted to wash her hair since Angel had brought her to the hotel. But her arms were hurting too much and were too weak to even think of doing something like that on her own.

Angel came back and set everything up in the bathroom. Buffy made herself as comfortable as possible.

When Angel started rinsing her hair with warm water, Buffy asked, "Will you tell me now what Wesley said?"

Angel still wasn't too keen on talking about anything concerning Wesley, but he had promised her. "Well, he found a prophecy that says I would kill my son."

"What?"

"I haven't had a look at it yet. Wesley still has it and at the moment I really don't want him here. Might be bad for his health. But Wesley believes it to be genuine. And so did Holtz. Well, maybe he was just pretending so that he would gain Wesley's trust, I am not really sure."

"Maybe we should get Giles on this as well."

Angel didn't answer.

"Angel, not all prophecies are what they look like at first. And not all prophecies come true. Just remember the Master."

"I know, but… God, I hope this is just some evil Wolfram & Hart plot or a very good forgery or something."

"So that's why Wesley gave Connor to Holtz?"

"Yes. And I do believe that was his sole reason for doing such a stupid thing."

"Not a very good choice - I mean Holtz - for taking care of Connor. But then, Wesley has never been very good when it came to judging people."

"Yeah, he should have considered that Holtz had a second agenda."

"You don't think Holtz wanted to protect Connor?" Buffy asked, not believing it herself.

"No, Holtz just wanted revenge. I don't think he cared much about Connor's well being."

"He wanted to make me believe that he was saving him. But he could have hardly admitted what his real intentions were, once he knew I was the Slayer. And he came across as rather crazy. He had a very… limited opinion of you. He even called you Angelus." Even now, Buffy found remembering this particular part of her conversation with Holtz, where he had called him Angelus, distressing.

Angel noticed. "And you thought… that I was Angelus?"

"I wasn't sure. But for a moment, yes, I had to consider it. But in the end it didn't matter. I didn't trust Holtz and it didn't matter from whom I was protecting Connor."

"Holtz can't distinguish between Angelus and me. For him we are the same, just another vampire, a vampire who killed his family."

"I know that now. But for a moment…" She had been worried that he had lost his soul, with someone else.

"Buffy, there's nobody else who could make me Angelus but you."

Buffy smiled. After a moment she said, "When you think about it, that's a really weird compliment. It was a compliment, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was."

Buffy closed her eyes and simply enjoyed Angel's ministrations. Despite the somewhat awkward position, Buffy almost fell asleep while Angel was washing her hair. Angel was still worried about the amount of blood she had lost, but thinking about how fast her wounds were healing compared to a normal human reassured him that she was really on the mend.

Angel wrapped a towel around her hair. "I'm finished. You want to lie down again?"

"I seem to do nothing else but sleep," Buffy said dejectedly, but made her way over to the bed anyway.

"You have to give it some time."

"I have to go back soon."

"You have to take it easy for a while."

"Oh, damn," Buffy said suddenly. "I just remembered, my car…"

"What about it?"

"It's still where I left it, when I encountered Holtz. Well, maybe it isn't," Buffy said unhappily. "By now it's probably stolen. It wasn't the nicest part of the city. If I am lucky, it was impounded. I didn't exactly look if I was allowed to park there."

"Where did you leave it?"

Since Buffy had gotten to know LA very well during her early slaying days, she knew her way around the city and could describe the location to Angel easily.

"I'll drive by and have a look. Then I'll call to see if they impounded it. If not… then I guess you'll have to report it stolen."

"Great, just what I needed…" Buffy groaned.

"Why don't you stay for a couple more days anyway?" Angel suggested. "Until you are completely healed. See it as a vacation."

Buffy wouldn't really mind staying longer than planned, but two things kept her from accepting Angel's offer. First, she had duties in Sunnydale, a whole lot of them. Second, she was afraid that she might get too used to having Angel around all the time.

"I wouldn't mind an extra pair of eyes to watch Connor after what just happened. An extra pair of eyes that can walk in sunlight and with slaying abilities," Angel coaxed.

"You sure? I don't want to intrude." Buffy didn't want to upset their daily routine, his and Connor's, or upset the relationships with his friends. The relationship with Cordelia already seemed strained. And despite her own dislike of her former school mate, Buffy knew that Cordelia had been a good friend to Angel over the last few years. She didn't want to cause any trouble for Angel.

"You are not intruding. How many times do I have to apologize for that?"

"You don't, I just want to make sure."

"I'm sure."

"Okay."

* * *

In the lobby, the phone rang. Cordelia answered it. "Angel Investigations. We help the helpless."

"Hi, I don't need any help. My name is Lucas and I'd like to speak to Angel."

"What about?"

"I'd really like to talk to Angel personally."

"Is this about a case, because I know everything about them."

"That might be, but still, I'd really like to talk to Angel. Is he there?"

"He's somewhere. But I don't know where exactly. Can I take a message?"

"Just tell him to call me back."

"And who should I say called?"

"Lucas."

"Lucas… who?"

"He'll know."

"It would be helpful if he knew what this is about, you know. He doesn't just call back anybody."

"He knows. Just relay the message please."

Angel came down the stairs.

"Oh, here he comes," Cordelia said into the phone. She motioned for Angel to come over. "For you. Some guy named Lucas."

Angel took the phone from her. "Thanks, Cordy." He waited for Cordelia to leave, but she busied herself with some documents.

"Hi, Lucas."

"Your secretary is quite nosy, did you know that?" Lucas greeted him.

When Cordelia still stuck around after having filed the documents, obviously trying to eavesdrop, Angel said, "Cordy, would you mind? This is private."

"Private?"

"Cordy, please."

"Fine, I'm going," she said, making sure Angel would notice her offended tone.

"Sorry, Lucas. So, do you have the results already?"

"That's why I am calling. We just got in a big assignment today. So I won't have time to do your tests for at least one or two days. I wanted to do them after hours, but this one is really important. And we've been told to do overtime to get it done. Sorry."

"I understand. I don't want to get you in any trouble at work."

"I just wanted to let you know that it will take a bit longer. Sorry."

"Not your fault. But thanks for letting me know. Oh, by the way, what did you tell Cordelia what this was about?"

"Cordelia?"

"My secretary?"

"Oh… Nothing. I'm not stupid. I am aware that this is a delicate matter."

"Good, thanks."

"We do have work ethics in our job as well," he said.

"Sure, sorry."

"I understand. These things can make people edgy."

"You have no idea."

"Well, I'll let you know as soon as I have something."

"Thanks," Angel said as politely as he could muster and hung up. He had really hoped to get the test results. This waiting was slowly driving him mad. Luckily, Buffy had agreed on staying for now.

Cordelia came back from the kitchen with a cup of coffee. "So, who was that?"

"Lucas."

"Right, I got that! Is he working on a case with us?"

"No, he is just helping me with something."

"Has this to do with Holtz? Wesley betrays you and now you don't trust any of us anymore?" Cordelia asked angrily.

"I do trust you. And you are the best secretary ever," Angel teased.

"I am not the secretary!" Cordelia said annoyed.

"I know. But even though you are not the secretary, you even do that perfectly."

Cordelia was immediately placated and smiled.

"And because you are so great at it, you could do me a favor." Angel grabbed a notepad and a pen and wrote something down. Then he handed her the note. "Call the impound lot responsible for this area and ask if they have this car."

"A car? We are looking for missing cars now?" Cordelia asked incredulously. "How low have we sunk?"

"It's Buffy's car."

"Buffy's car? I should have known."

"Please, Cordy. She had to leave it there when she went after Holtz to save Connor. And then Gunn and I took her back in my car. So it's either still standing there or impounded."

"Where did she leave it?"

"I wrote it down."

Cordelia looked at the note and grinned gloatingly. "Well, my guess would be it's either stolen or at least missing some important parts, like all four wheels or the engine."

"Just make the call, Cordy."

Cordelia grinned. "It will be my pleasure."

* * *

Luckily, the days directly after Connor's kidnapping had been very quiet. Angel had been very glad about this as it had allowed him to spend time with Buffy and his son. But now, two new cases had made their way into Angel Investigations at the same time, which required the whole team to get back to work immediately. And since Angel wasn't ready to call Wesley back yet, they were short on people. And nobody was left to look after Connor.

Buffy was not sad at all to jump in as a babysitter. It made her feel useful again and she loved spending time with Connor, telling him stories, playing with him or feeding him. Her shoulder was well enough to carry Connor around and since everybody else was hardly ever there, the two often had the whole hotel to themselves. But Buffy knew she would have to leave soon. She had stayed too long already. She'd gotten too attached to Connor, and to Angel as well. Last night they had fallen asleep in the same bed while simply watching Connor.

Buffy's thoughts were interrupted by Angel knocking on the open door. "Hey, how are you two?"

"We are fine. What are you doing back here so early?"

"I just wanted to look in on you. I needed to grab a book. We need a certain spell to kill this demon."

"Oh, I see."

"I'll see you two in a while. If it's not too late we could go out for dinner," Angel said, almost out the door again.

Buffy felt like bursting a bubble, but she had to. "Angel?"

"Yes."

"You know I have to leave. Soon."

Angel didn't say anything.

"I really can't stay any longer. I just can't," Buffy said sadly.

Again he didn't say a word.

"I've been away for too long already."

"I thought we agreed you see this as a vacation from slaying."

"Until I was healed. And I am."

"Your shoulder is still not a hundred percent."

"It's just a bit sore. I can use it just fine."

"Just one more day." Angel needed her to stay until he knew the results of the DNA tests.

"Angel... please… don't make this any harder than it already is," Buffy begged.

"If they needed you back in Sunnydale, they would have called," Angel said.

"Angel… I just can't stay. You of all people should understand." Then Buffy remembered that she needed her car to get back to Sunnydale. She had completely forgotten about that and Angel had never mentioned it to her again. He had just promised to take care of it. Spending time with Connor had made her forgot about almost anything else. She really had to get going and go on with her life.

"What about my car?"

"Your car? Oh, yes, they… well, it was parked in a no parking zone. They towed it away. But it's still in one piece."

"Good," Buffy sighed. One problem less.

"But they said you can't get it back for another three days. They keep the car for one week altogether, that's the penalty for parking there. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I forgot, since I had hoped you would stay until then anyway."

"Great…"

"I'm sorry. But I doubt they would have been lenient if I had told them why the car was parked where it was."

"Guess not."

"It's just a couple more days. What's a couple more days?"

Buffy was afraid that for each day she stayed longer she would probably need an additional year or so to get over him again. Not that she had ever gotten over Angel or ever would. But living with it was just so much harder after seeing him each time. The longer she stayed, the longer it would take to make the absence bearable again. And this time she wouldn't only miss Angel. She knew she would miss Connor terribly as well.

"I mean, of course, if you really want to leave, I could drive you back to Sunnydale. But then you would have to come back for your car anyway."

Buffy sighed. "Okay, let me call Giles and if all seems quiet in Sunnydale, I'll stay."

"Great," Angel said, almost too enthusiastically. "I'm glad. And I bet Connor is too."

Buffy looked at Connor and then at Angel and gave him a smile.

She was actually relieved that she had an excuse to stay longer. It was like an addiction. You knew it was bad for you. And you knew the longer you indulged in something, the harder it would be to let go later on. But Buffy didn't care. Was she self-destructive or what? She must have been, if she willingly put herself through this. Well, she'd probably fall into a big hole anyway once she got home. Most likely it wouldn't matter if she dug the hole a few inches deeper.

* * *

Angel was still out on a case, when Buffy went downstairs with Connor in her arms. Cordelia was sitting at the desk in the lobby.

"You seem to be much better, Buffy. You look much better, too." Cordelia actually meant what she was saying. She had finally taken Gunn's advice to heart and had come to accept that Buffy would leave eventually. And being nice to her made her own life much easier. As soon as Buffy was gone, Angel would come to her for advice, would ask her to watch after Connor. And he would be much more inclined to do so, if she was nice to Buffy.

"Yes, thanks, I am almost back to normal."

"So how much longer will you be staying?"

"Until I can get my car back from the impound lot."

"Impound lot?" Cordelia asked confused. "Your car isn't-" she started, but quickly shut up. Angel obviously hadn't told Buffy that her car was waiting around the corner for her. Cordelia was strongly tempted to tell her. But she doubted that Angel had simply forgotten to tell her. And if she spilled the beans to Buffy about something he didn't want her to know, especially if done on purpose, Angel would be furious if he found out. She didn't want to blow her chances with him completely. The last days had already strained their relationship too much.

"Cordy?"

"The impound lot, right," Cordelia tried to cover quickly, putting on a big smile. "Angel said something about that. Now I remember. Silly me."

Unfortunately, Cordelia hadn't caught on fast enough to fool Buffy.

"Cordy?" Buffy asked again, more insistently this time.

"What?" Cordelia asked as innocently as possible.

"What is going on?"

"Don't know what you are talking about."

"Cordy!"

She had tried, hadn't she? Well, the cat was about to come out of the bag anyway, she might as well use it. She had tried to keep it from Buffy, hadn't she? Not her fault that Buffy had seen right through her. The worst she could be accused of was being a bad liar. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you. But don't get mad at the messenger."

"Tell me what?"

"Angel got the car two days ago, the same day he asked me to call the impound lot. Your car is parked around the corner."

"But he said…."

"I didn't know that he hadn't told you, Buffy. I swear."

"Why would he do that?" Buffy asked upset. "Why did he lie to me?"

"I don't know. Maybe he wanted to give us all a break from babysitting Connor. You didn't seem to mind," Cordelia suggested.

Buffy looked at Connor. It didn't matter why Angel hadn't told her. He had lied to her. That was all that mattered. He had lied to her on purpose.

TBC


	7. Threats and Revelations

**CHAPTER 7 – Threats and Revelations**

**Note:**

Thanks for all the reviews, people!

This chapter is not quite as long as my previous ones, but the next one should follow shortly.

* * *

Buffy thought about leaving immediately. She could leave now without saying one word to Angel. It would serve him right. But he'd probably just follow her to Sunnydale anyway, like he had done last time they'd had a big fight. No, she would wait until he got back, say her peace and leave.

She was sitting with Connor in the garden, cuddling him. "Why does your daddy always have to be like this? Why can't he be straight with me for once? Why does he always have to do stuff behind everybody's back? Let's hope he doesn't do that to you. But if he does, you are always welcome in Sunnydale, little man. You can always come and visit your aunt Buffy. And the others will love you too. There is Willow, for example. She's a witch, you know. And uncle Xander, he is a really funny guy. A bit clumsy sometimes, likes to get into trouble with girls, but a real good guy. You'll like him. I guess your dad would not want you to hang out with him though. But now you know how to get back at your dad. Xander is a real good option for that."

Buffy was so engrossed with Connor that she hadn't heard Angel approaching. He had heard the last part of what she had said.

"You are right, I don't want my son hanging around with Xander."

"Oh… you are back. Good." Buffy didn't look up. She kissed Connor on the head and said, "Remember what I told you, I am always there for you. You can count on me. I promise. I love you." She stood up and handed Connor to Angel. "I am leaving."

"Leaving? You can't leave. Your car isn't-"

"Don't you dare say one more word! I am sick and tired of your lies!" Buffy said angrily.

Angel just looked at her confused, not knowing what had prompted Buffy to react this way.

"Why did you want to keep me here? I don't get it. Couldn't you just have asked? No, you had to go behind my back and lie to my face. What could have possibly been so important that you treat me like that?" Buffy asked disappointedly.

"I can't tell you."

"You can't tell me?"

"Buffy, believe me-"

"Real bad choice of words there."

"Please, listen, it's nothing bad. It's… Please just stay another night," Angel pleaded.

"You get one more chance to tell me why you lied to me. Otherwise I am out that door and on my way home."

Should he tell her? Would she believe anything he said right now? He couldn't tell her. He simply couldn't. If he told her the truth now - without any proof - she would probably run back to Sunnydale even faster. She couldn't remember their day together. She'd declare him crazy. He himself would declare anybody else telling him something as incredible as this crazy.

"Buffy, I know I messed up again. I'm sorry. But I can't explain it right now. I will tomorrow, I think."

"You think?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"It's complicated."

Buffy simply headed for the door.

Angel ran after her. "Buffy, listen to me for just two minutes. If you still want to leave after that, fine."

Buffy stopped, but didn't turn around.

"I will tell you what is going on, I promise. But I really can't yet. Please stay until tomorrow. One more night, that's all I'm asking. Besides I don't want you driving like this, especially not in the dark."

Buffy whirled around angrily. "Why can't you tell me today, but tomorrow? Is this some kind of bet? How long can you fool Buffy Summers until she notices?"

"Buffy, will you just trust me?" Angel pleaded in a soft voice.

"Trust you? After this?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"You are asking a mighty lot there."

"I know. Please, it's basically just a couple more hours. You can still leave angry tomorrow. I wouldn't blame you." Was he gambling too high? Should he just tell her? He would have to tell her something tomorrow anyway, no matter how the tests turned out.

Buffy thought about it for a moment. A couple more hours wouldn't matter. But she was so angry. She needed to get away. But he was right, she was in no condition to drive, she knew she wasn't the best driver anyway. And nobody could upset her like Angel. And Angel knew that too. Then a thought occurred to her. It wasn't really fair, but she didn't care at the moment. How far would he be willing to go to have her stay here? What was more important to him, his secret or her safety?

"I'm going," she said resolutely.

"Please, Buffy, don't."

"I listened to you. You said I could go afterwards."

"Of course you can leave. But I don't want you to drive."

"I can't stay here. And you can only blame that on yourself."

"I know," he said dejectedly. Then something occurred to Angel. Something the Oracles had said, about her being reckless with her life if he sent her away. What if she ran from him instead? If she had an accident, he would be responsible for killing Connor's mother.

"Don't drive now," Angel begged. "You can stay in a hotel. I'll pay for it. Across town if you want."

"No. Goodbye." Buffy turned and headed for the door again.

"I am not sure who Connor's mother is," Angel blurted out. "I had a DNA test done. The results should be in tomorrow."

Buffy stopped immediately. Slowly, she turned around to look at him. "What?" she asked confused.

"Darla might not be Connor's real mother. To make sure, I sent some DNA samples to a friend, to check a theory. He should have had the results by now, but he was very busy, so it took longer than expected."

"Why would you want me to stay for that?" Buffy asked irritated. "Who else besides Darla is in the running? Besides, that is pretty twisted. It's usually the father people are not certain about. Because the mother gives birth. And Darla did give birth to Connor, as I remember you telling me. Wouldn't it be more likely that Darla tried to pin a baby on you, not the other way around? Or was she really dead and somebody posed as Darla or what? Any other vampires you slept with lately? Were you that drunk that you can't remember? Oh God, please don't tell me that after all we talked about it actually was-"

"No! No, it's nobody we discussed. I swear," Angel interjected quickly.

Buffy just looked at him, completely confused and at a loss for words. "Then why?"

"I went to the Oracles and they implied… well, no, they didn't just imply, they told me that…" Oh God, how to explain all this. She would never believe him. He had kept things from her and lied to her. She didn't even now about the day that wasn't, so everything would make even less sense. How could he possibly explain this? He had somehow deluded himself that a positive DNA test would solve all his problems, that he would simply show it to Buffy and she would accept it. But it didn't explain anything. What a mess.

"Buffy, I know this sounds crazy, but I truly believe it," he said as calmly as he could. "I just wanted some further proof first. I believe you might be Connor's mother."

Buffy's face lost all color. After staring at Angel blankly for several seconds, Buffy burst out laughing. And she couldn't stop. Whenever she started to calm down a bit, it would start anew. Until her laughter gradually turned into sobs. Angel took a step towards her, but she immediately took a step back, holding up her hand to ward him off. Angel gave her some space, not knowing what else to do.

Cordelia, Fred and Gunn had heard the noise and had come to look what was going on. Neither Buffy nor Angel had noticed them at the time, too engrossed in their argument. When Angel finally saw them standing around, he hastily motioned them to disappear again. Cordelia opened her mouth to say something, but Angel flashed his yellow eyes and turned vamp face on them to show them he wasn't kidding. They immediately drew back, but as soon as Angel had turned his back on them again, they stopped on the farthest reaches of the stairs, hiding in the shadows.

Buffy was still sobbing uncontrollably. In between sobs she tried to say something, but no words would come out. She just kept crying. When Angel tried to approach her once more, she backed away again until she made contact with the wall and slowly sank down against it.

When she finally calmed down enough to say something, she looked at Angel with questioning eyes and said sarcastically, "Let me guess, we are really in some science fiction movie where I was abducted by aliens or something."

Angel thought how, ironically, that actually wasn't that far from the truth.

"Because if you would bother to remember, we only slept with each other _once_. Uno. One time. One single time. Oh, and by the way, that was four years ago."

Angel realized, not for the first time today though, that he was in very deep trouble.

Buffy went on, "Believe me, I remember, because it's the one thing in my life – again, notice the 'one' here - I can never add another incident to. That one is closed. No repeat performances."

Then Buffy's look fell on Connor, who was strangely unperturbed by the whole commotion going on around him. Angel noticed this and slowly sat down cross-legged in front of her. Buffy continued staring at Connor. She wished it were true but… All of a sudden, it wasn't such a ridiculous thought anymore. She reached out her hand to touch Connor's cheek, just like she had done that first time, when Holtz had been holding him in that dark alley. She felt that connection again and it made her want to cry all over again. Could it really be? But he was part of Angel, of course she would feel something. She took a couple deep breaths before she reached her hand out again, this time reaching for Angel. Softly, she touched his cheek. Angel leaned into her warm hand. A cold tear ran over her hand. With a sad look, Angel silently begged her to understand, to believe.

"How? How could… It doesn't make sense, Angel. Please don't do this to me, because you want it to be," Buffy pleaded.

"I'd never do that to you," Angel said gently. "That's why I wanted to wait for the test results to come back before I told you."

"How?"

It was such a long and complicated story. Where to start? Finally Angel offered, "I messed up again?"

Buffy actually had to laugh at that. But she also smiled. It was honest and it was most likely true. And for once he fessed up to it – whatever that was - up front. "Sounds promising," she said.

"You think so?" Angel said cautiously, hopefully.

"Yes, so far, it sounds like us," Buffy said with a timid smile.

"Well," Angel looked down at Connor in his lap, "it has a happy ending." Then looking at Buffy, he added, "I hope."

TBC


	8. Might have beens and Could have beens

**CHAPTER 8 – Might-have-beens and Could-have-beens**

**Note:**

Again, thanks for the reviews. They are very, very much appreciated.

* * *

Still in shock and teary-eyed, Buffy had the sudden urge to hold Connor. "Can I hold him?"

"Sure." Angel gently handed Connor over to Buffy. "So, are you staying?"

Buffy just nodded. After simply looking at Connor for a while, she asked, "Are you gonna tell me now?"

"Yeah. But let's go upstairs. Too much audience for my taste." He looked over his shoulder and threw an evil look at Cordelia, Fred and Gunn. They hastily retreated further, knowing they would not get any information right now anyway.

Without asking for permission, Angel took a chance and picked up Buffy, who was still holding Connor, and carried them up the stairs. Buffy was too exhausted from crying and everything else to object. Besides, she didn't care anymore. She couldn't think anymore. She just let it happen. Obviously she had no influence on anything anymore. Why bother? She didn't want to think anymore, didn't want to make any decisions anymore. She longed for glorious oblivion. And she found at least some small part of that in Angel's arms. Over all these years, after all that had happened, that fact never seemed to have changed. Even if he was the culprit of her troubles, he still managed to make it better. Only he had that ability, no one else but him.

* * *

Angel took them back to her room, thinking she would be more comfortable in familiar surroundings. He placed Buffy and Connor on the bed. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed, so that he could look at her. He needed to be able to see her reactions. And he wanted her to be able to see him, to judge for herself that he was saying the truth.

"So?" Buffy asked calmly.

"I am not sure where to begin exactly."

"Who told you that I… that Connor…" Buffy couldn't even say it. "Who told you? Who are those Oracles?"

"Well, they are higher beings. They are an in-between for The Powers That Be. They are very powerful and knowledgeable. I went to them after we talked that first night. You got me thinking when you said you would want to know everything there is to know about Connor. Maybe I have always been afraid to dig too deep. I mean, Darla as his mother, that couldn't be anything good, could it? So I ignored that it didn't make much sense. At least, Wesley accused me of that. And he was right. So I went to the Oracles and demanded answers. And they gave them to me. They weren't exactly straight forward at first. They said it was so obvious. But, Buffy, I swear to you, it never crossed my mind, other than simply wishing that Connor was yours. I mean, it happened so long ago, how was I supposed to connect the dots?"

"That still doesn't explain the how? I was never pregnant, Angel."

"Well, technically, you were, for a few hours," Angel said sadly. "Remember Thanksgiving? When you came to LA?"

"Sure."

"Okay, now it gets complicated," he warned. "That day happened twice."

Buffy just looked at him confused, wondering if he had lost it completely now.

"You arrived and the demon attacked. But the first time, I didn't know how to defeat him. He got away. We followed him. I came in contact with his blood. And that made me… human."

"What?" Buffy almost forgot to breathe.

"It's true," Angel said sadly. "I was human for almost a whole day. And we made good use of it." A small grin showed on his face.

"I can only imagine…" Buffy said deep in thought. The possibilities must have been endless. Then, in a whisper, she asked, "Was it good?"

"Good?" Angel asked, not sure what exactly she was referring to.

"We? Were we good together?" She had always wondered if they would be as good as a normal couple, or if it would take the magic, the specialness, out of their relationship.

"You mean, was the sex good?" Angel smiled, remembering their hours together. "It was amazing."

"No, not just that. Just us, together?"

Angel smiled lovingly at Buffy. "Just as amazing."

Buffy was looking at Connor, when she asked her next question. "So that's when I would have gotten… pregnant?"

"Yeah. And I would have given up anything to keep it that way, to stay human, to stay with you. Everything but your life."

"What happened?"

"I went after the demon on my own and-"

"As a human?" Buffy tried to stay calm. She had vowed to herself to let him tell the whole story first, before she would get angry at him.

Angel nodded. "Of course it was a bad idea. You had to save me. And the fight showed me that I was of no use to you as a human. I would have become a burden, Buffy, a liability."

"Of no use to me?" Buffy asked, slightly hurt. "How could you think that?"

"I couldn't risk your life, Buffy. It's too valuable, to me and to the world. I couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for your death."

"You are not responsible for every single little thing that happens in my life. And I died anyway."

"I know. I got rather angry with them over that. But they simply pointed out that you would die anyway one day."

"They are right. I am not immortal," Buffy said gently. She knew that Angel had always been overprotective and had a hard time accepting that one day she would die doing her duty.

"But they left me in the belief that giving back my humanity would prolong your life," he said angrily.

"Maybe it did," she pointed out.

"From what they said I got the impression that everything was set out to happen that way and that I had no influence on it. You were meant to die and you were meant to come back."

"I guess we'll never know." Buffy didn't want to dwell on the might-have-beens. There were too many in her life already. She wanted to focus on the future, especially if that future was lying in her arms right now.

Angel went on, "And when I asked the Oracles to turn me back into a vampire, they turned back the whole day instead."

"And they didn't mention that I was pregnant?"

"No, they didn't say one word about it. Only when I asked them a few days ago, they said that it was my mistake that everything went to hell, that me getting my humanity was not an accident but a sign from them. A sign I failed to recognize as such."

"So they took the baby when they turned back the day?"

"Yes, they said you might have lost it otherwise, that I would have screwed up by sending you away and you hurting yourself or the baby, unknowingly. That's why they kept him safe."

"Safe? With Darla?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"That's what they said."

"How could he have been safer with Darla than with me?" Buffy asked, slightly upset.

"I don't know."

"And suddenly they decide to make me his mother? Because Darla is dead? How convenient."

"They said Darla was just a surrogate, nothing else."

"But that would mean… If Connor was conceived on Thanksgiving, where was he in between then and Darla getting pregnant? Floating around somewhere?"

"I don't know."

"Do you believe them?" Buffy asked, looking down at Connor in her arms.

"Why should they be lying?"

"I don't know. But you did a DNA test."

"I wanted to be sure. I was afraid you wouldn't believe me. This story is so unbelievably twisted that even I have trouble making sense of it. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe one word of what I am telling you just now. I wanted to have at least some hard proof and not just some fairytale-like story of a day you can't even remember."

"Angel, I know we've had our differences. But I trust you – well, except with my car. I know I once said that I don't trust you, but I said that because I was hurt and wanted to hurt you. And sometimes you do stupid things I don't agree with. But this isn't one of them. I know you wouldn't lie about something like this. You didn't know I was pregnant, if that is really what happened. And what you or I would have done, if we had known, is rather pointless. I can hardly blame you for not being able to foresee a pregnancy."

"But I made the decision. It was my fault."

"You made the decision? Don't you mean _we_ made that decision?" Buffy asked for clarification, her words were lacking conviction. She had a queasy feeling in her stomach area that she wouldn't like the answer. "I mean, we must have both decided that turning back the day would be better, right? Right?"

Angel didn't answer. But his remorseful look told her everything she needed to know.

"Are you trying to tell me that you made a decision over my head again?"

"Yes, I made the decision," he admitted, "without talking to you first."

"And then, just like that," she snapped her fingers, "the Oracles simply said 'Great, screw with whoever's life you want?' They didn't see it necessary to ask my opinion?"

"It was my fault. I didn't ask your opinion. I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough."

"And they just gave in to your whim? Just like that? Either they don't believe in emancipation or they have a really weird sense of humor I don't get. I thought they were something like the intergalactic police, protecting the helpless, like for example a clueless Slayer?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I know you hate being left in the dark."

"Being left in the dark? That's an understatement. I hate being ignored when it comes to decisions that concern my life."

"I couldn't, Buffy. I knew I couldn't have done it if I had spent one more night with you, touched you one more time, seen you smile at me with that happy smile. After I came back and told you what I had done... If I had seen you crying like that... I would have done anything to make those tears go away. But I couldn't, because it was already too late."

"If it had just been your sacrifice… but it was mine as well. And who says I wouldn't have dragged you to the Oracles for the sake of the world? You are doing a lot of good out there. You probably wouldn't be able to help as many people without your strength and your superior senses."

"I knew you would have made the same decision, because you are even less selfish in our love than me. And I knew I would regret this decision for the rest of my life. But I knew I had to make it anyway. And still, it's a decision I rethink almost every day. I can't let it go. I constantly wonder what would have been. It drives me crazy. I didn't want you to have to shoulder that decision for the rest of your life."

"Why do you always think you have to protect me from my life?" Buffy said wearily.

"I don't know."

"You think I deserve better, I get that. And yes, my life sometimes sucks. But that is my life. You can't protect me from my life. And pretending it should be something it isn't is not helping me, Angel."

"I know your life is not easy. I just want to ease your burdens."

"Wouldn't it be a lot easier, if we just shared them instead of one of us carrying the whole load alone?"

"If that is what you want."

Buffy nodded. "It is, especially now." She looked down at Connor, who had fallen asleep in her arms.

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask."

Angel took her hand and squeezed it.

"So, what do we do now?" Buffy asked.

"Wait for the results."

"And then?"

"Figure out how we do this."

"So you expect them to confirm what the Oracles said?"

"That's what I believe, yes. But I could be wrong. I have nothing else to base this on than pure belief." After a moment of quiet, Angel said, "Another reason why I wanted to wait to tell you was that I needed time to think this through. I was afraid that I would mess up, if I had to come up with some solution for our situation at a moment's notice. I know myself well enough by now to know that I tend to make bad decisions, if I haven't thought things through."

"And, have you thought things through by now?"

"A bit, yes."

"Wanna share?" Buffy suggested with a smile.

"Maybe we should wait."

"Why?"

"What if… Buffy, I don't want you to get emotionally invested or feel obliged, if it turns out that you are not Connor's mother."

"Just because you made plans doesn't mean I agree with them," Buffy pointed out. "And maybe we should discuss them now rather than later, while I am still… uninvested." Buffy was anything but uninvested. But as long as everything was still hypothetical she might be better able to deal with it objectively, or as objectively as it was possible anyway. "Besides, this waiting is driving me crazy already."

Suddenly Angel was afraid to share his plans. What if Buffy didn't like them? "Well, okay, but remember, they are just ideas and suggestions. I just didn't want to stand there empty-handed. If you don't like them, we can make new plans."

"Just tell me."

"Okay, well, I thought since you already missed out on so much and probably can't simply leave the Hellmouth unattended, I could move back to Sunnydale. You'd automatically have a reliable babysitter for Connor. Or if you want to go more slowly, we could just see each other on the weekends." When Angel noticed Buffy's look gradually evolving from curious to frowning, he quickly amended, "or any other days of the week, wouldn't have to be the weekend of course. Connor could stay either with you or with me, depending on how busy you are."

Buffy's facial expression wasn't improving. Angel was getting more and more insecure. "Maybe you just want to spend some time alone with Connor first. I'd understand." He felt terribly guilty about Buffy missing out on the first months of Connor's life. He also felt guilty towards Connor, for depriving him of having his mother around. "I could take over patrol for you so that you can spend more time with Connor." Angel looked at Buffy expectantly.

"Interesting," was all Buffy finally said.

"Is that good or bad?" Angel asked anxiously.

"Angel, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything you want."

"What do you want?"

"What?"

"What do you want?"

Angel still looked confused.

"You presented me with several scenarios of what I would like best, what might work for me. But I never heard something about what you would like, how you imagine this, _our_ future."

"I don't care about the details," Angel said. Almost in a whisper, he added, "I just want us three to be together."

"That's the best suggestion I've heard so far," Buffy said, smiling.

"Really?" Angel looked at her hopefully. They had come closer over the last few days again, but he wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to try again for real with him, not after everything that had happened.

Buffy nodded.

"I want to be with you, Buffy, and not just because of Connor. I've been lonely ever since I left you. And I want to try again. The Oracles were at least right with one thing, I wasn't ready back then. I wasn't. I thought it was you. I truly believed it was too much for you, too much of a burden – an additional burden to everything else – to deal with our relationship in addition to your duties. But it was me. I wasn't ready to accept it, to accept my being back, your forgiveness of what happened when I was Angelus. I wasn't ready. And I am sorry. I wish I had been ready, for your sake. I've missed you every single day."

"I thought you didn't need me anymore," Buffy said sadly.

"I started AI so that I would have a purpose in life, to keep me from thinking about you every single second of the day. It kept me sane. Without my job, I probably would have ended up back in the gutter, just where Whistler once found me."

"Well, then I am glad. But it was painful to watch how well you did on your own. Not that I begrudge you your job, not at all, you are doing so much good, but… sometimes I couldn't help but think that our relationship held you back, from doing bigger things."

"Oh, Buffy, no, that's not it. And what you are doing is so much more important. You are the Chosen One. I am just a self-proclaimed private detective who tries to help a few individuals here and there. You regularly save the world."

"So do you."

"I like my job, Buffy. I like helping people. But I can do that just as well at your side. I want to be with you and Connor. I'd do anything for that. And if that means leaving LA tonight to go back to Sunnydale with you, then I will do that. I don't care how we do it, Buffy. All I care about is us three together."

Buffy couldn't hold back the tears that were running down her cheeks, tears of happiness.

"Is that what you want, too?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes, but I don't want you to give up AI for me. I would never ask that of you."

"We don't have to decide that tonight. Just know that I will do whatever it takes. No more running."

"I might be appointed by some higher power, but we have to think of Connor. I don't get paid for what I do, Angel. You do. You have a secure income. I can't give him that," Buffy said, slightly ashamed.

"Buffy, all he needs from you is your love. And he already has that."

"A baby can't live just on love, Angel."

"I know that. All I am saying is that we will manage and don't have to decide anything today, unless you want us to."

Buffy looked at him penetratingly. "Angel, I won't disappear. Not now. I want the same thing, us three together. Why is that so hard to believe for you?"

"You've moved on with your life."

"I've moved on just like you have. I had no other choice. But that doesn't mean that my feelings towards you have changed. You asked me to trust you. Now I am asking you the same. Trust me that I want you. I want you back in my life, always have."

"And I want you. There's nothing I want more than us three becoming one family." Angel leaned closer towards Buffy, carefully bending over Connor.

They moved ever closer and were just about to kiss, when Buffy suddenly pulled back. "Is that why you didn't want to kiss me before?"

Angel cringed. "It's not that I didn't want to. It just… I didn't feel it was right at the time."

"Angel, I think your problem is not thinking things not through, but thinking too much about these things," Buffy said. Before he had a chance to reply, she leaned forward and kissed him.

With Connor between them, they had to be more careful and kept the kiss more reserved than either of them would have liked. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Buffy and Angel quickly pulled apart and groaned in frustration.

"Come in."

Cordelia opened the door. "Angel, Lucas is here to see you."

Angel looked at her surprised. Then he looked at Buffy and said, "He is the one I asked to do the tests. I'll be right back."

Angel left. Cordelia followed him right on his heels. "Is it true? Do you really believe that Buffy is Connor's mother?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, that's what I believe. It's what the Oracles told me."

"And this Lucas did DNA tests?"

"Yes."

Cordelia stopped like she was rooted to the floor. She had just been about to list how everything could have been a big misunderstanding or a mix-up or some sort of joke, but if Angel already had DNA tests done and was about to get the results, he probably wouldn't be very open to such suggestions.

When Angel saw Lucas he greeted him with a questioning, but hopeful look. "Lucas."

"Hey, Angel, I finally had some time on my hands." He handed him the results in an envelope. He noticed all the people standing around and said, "It's all in there. The results are unambiguous."

"Thank you."

"Well, I'm off, trying to salvage what is left of my evening."

Angel looked mesmerized at the white envelope and made his way up the stairs again. He didn't notice the others looking at him inquisitively. But nobody had the guts to actually ask him what they wanted to know.

When Angel came back into Buffy's room, he quietly closed the door and went to sit down on the bed again. Buffy hadn't moved at all and looked very tense.

"Do you want to open it?" Angel asked.

Buffy just stared at the letter, as if she was afraid of it.

"Buffy?"

"Maybe we shouldn't," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Maybe we shouldn't open it at all."

"Are you serious?" Angel asked confused.

"I mean, we both want this, right?"

"Yes, very much."

"But if he's not…" Buffy couldn't even say it.

"Then nothing will have to change," Angel assured her. "I want us to be a family no matter what this piece of paper says."

"See, then why open it? It won't change a thing." Buffy said with fear in her voice.

"Buffy, I am sure you are his mother. The Oracles said so," Angel tried to calm her down.

"But you still had the test done."

"I was confused. They withheld everything for so long. And I wanted proof for you. I was afraid you wouldn't believe one word I said without some proof. Don't you want to know? I know you feel something for him."

"Of course I do. How could anybody not?"

"That's not what I meant. You feel him, don't you?"

Buffy nodded. "But it can't be!"

"Buffy, no matter who his mother is, one version is just as incredible as the other one."

Angel had been right. She would be devastated if the tests said that she wasn't Connor's mother after all. No matter what they had agreed on. If she found out that Darla was his mother instead of her, Buffy wouldn't know what to do. She would still love Connor unconditionally and give him everything he needed, but she would know that she wasn't his biological mother, but that Angel's risen sire was.

"Buffy," Angel prodded. He wanted to know for sure. He needed to know for sure. In his opinion they needed to know. If, heaven forbid, she wasn't Connor's mother, they needed to deal with it and move on. If they didn't find out now, it might always stand between them and they would never be able to properly deal with it and put it behind them. They needed to know. "Buffy, he deserves to know."

Buffy looked at him. Angel was right. It didn't matter anymore what they wanted. Only Connor mattered. And he had a right to know who his real mother was. Buffy nodded. "Open it."

Angel opened the envelope and took out the papers. Buffy watched his every movement, his every feature, waiting for the slightest indication that would tell her the outcome. Angel first had to make sense of all the data and numbers. When he found what he was looking for he looked at Buffy, gave her a small smile and nodded.

Buffy gave a sigh of relief. Angel handed her the papers so she could see for herself. Buffy read everything carefully before she put the papers down and looked at Connor. A few silent tears of joy were running down her cheeks. Then she looked at Angel and asked, "When's his birthday?"

"His birthday? November 19."

"Almost four months… four months." Buffy started crying.

"Ssh, it's okay now. He's yours. Nobody will ever take him away from you."

"Four months. He could have… He should have…" Buffy said in between sobs. "I should have…"

"I'm sorry, Buffy, so sorry. This is my fault."

"No, it's not. It's their fault," Buffy said angrily. "They could have told you. Or they could have told me."

"I guess."

"They had the power to turn back one whole damn day and they couldn't even open their mouths. What kind of people do that?"

"They probably had a reason."

"A reason?" Buffy asked incredulously. "A reason? What reason could anybody have to keep something like this from you, from me or from Connor? Someone from _our_ side, the good guys. Well, _supposedly_ on our side, I am not so sure about that at the moment."

"They said it was my fault. I wasn't ready. They just reacted. They just did what I always did. I didn't see the truth. I didn't see the signs they sent me."

"They have a mind of their own, don't they? They could have told us."

"Buffy-"

"If they really wanted to tell me or you, they could have," she said furiously. "Nobody held them back."

"I did," Angel said remorsefully.

"Damn it, Angel! You always liked to take the blame for things you didn't do, but this is ridiculous. Did you know we made a baby on Thanksgiving two years ago?"

"No."

"Did you truly believe that Darla was his mother, before the Oracles told you otherwise?"

"Yes." Darla had been pregnant with Connor and had given birth to him. No matter how unbelievable that was, it had been the most logical explanation for everything.

"So how could you have possibly known? Even after they told you, it was still hard to believe."

"I didn't know, but my actions led to this point."

"_You_ didn't know! But _they_ knew! And _they_ decided not to tell us!"

"They said that I would have sent you away eventually. And that would have endangered the baby."

"They told you a mighty lot of things, _except_ that I was pregnant. And I don't think they simply forgot about that," Buffy said exasperatedly.

"No, probably not."

"Do you think you would have made the same decision, if you had known the truth?"

"No. But that might have killed you _and_ the baby. So it might have been for the best anyway."

"Argh, might have been?" Buffy asked in disbelief. "Angel, they let you make a decision based on incomplete information. And we don't know what would or could have happened."

"My record with making decisions is not the best."

"It wasn't their decision to make. They had no right. No matter how bad your record is, I'd still rather have you make those decisions for me than them. They should have told you. They could have told me. But they didn't. To me it seems like we are just some puppets, for their entertainment." Buffy disguised her voice. "Oh, I am bored. Let's play a joke on that vampire or the Slayer, or even better, on both of them. It's always so much fun to watch them squirm and tell them later how stupid they were."

"Like the Greek gods."

"Huh?"

"The Greek gods, they used to have their fun with humans whenever they were bored and messed up their lives."

"Exactly, maybe they are related. And they are probably laughing at us right now."

"They even look a bit alike."

"It was their choice not to tell us. Who knows if they really can look into the future, or a possible future or… whatever… this is confusing. Who knows if it really would have gone down that way. Maybe they just wanted to disguise that _they_ had messed up. And what better way to do that than to point at you, the souled vampire, feeling guilty already for every raindrop falling? The perfect scapegoat."

"Buffy, it's nice of you to try to cheer me up, but I did mess up."

"I am not trying to cheer you up. You might be that noble, but I am not. I will tell you when you messed up. And yes, you did mess up. When you left me. And nobody else gets to punish you for that but me. But right now I am a lot angrier at those folks than I am at you. You are just second on my list, that's all."

"Buffy, calm down. It's okay now."

"Don't tell me to calm down. I don't want to calm down. I want to smash something."

"I know how you feel," Angel said, remembering when he himself had found out from the Oracles. "Going on patrol helped me."

Buffy looked at Connor. She couldn't leave him now. She wasn't sure if she would ever let him out of her sight again. "Well, maybe I'll simply stay here with Connor. That might work just as well." Just looking at Connor again had made her instantly calmer and almost made her forget how angry she had been at the Oracles less than a minute ago. "I don't want to ever let go of him," she said tenderly.

"I know the feeling. I had the same problem when he was born."

"You consider this a problem?" Buffy asked jokingly. Then more seriously, she added, "You gonna have to be patient with me, Angel. I am new to this."

"You are a natural with him, Buffy. And you've taken care of him the last two days all on your own."

"Oh, God, we gonna have to tell the others. Giles and Xander and Willow and… oh God, Dawn, she's an aunt… and we have-"

"Stop!" Angel interrupted her gently. "We will do all that, but all in good time. I think what is even more important right now is that we have some time for ourselves. Yes, we have a lot to deal with, but we'll be able to deal even better if we get some time to get used to the new situation first. Alone. Without anybody else interfering. Don't you think?"

"Yes, but-"

"No, buts."

Buffy opened her mouth to say something.

"Stop it. Everything will be fine."

Connor started to cry.

"Great, now I am the one upsetting him with my brooding," Buffy said, rocking Connor gently. "Let's hope this doesn't become a family trait."

Angel had to laugh. "No, I think he is just hungry."

"Oh." Buffy started to get up.

"Stay where you are, I'll be right back with his bottle."

A short while later, Angel came back with a bottle and handed it to Buffy. When he watched her feeding Connor, the guilt about this whole situation hit him full force again. "I'm so sorry that I took those experiences from you, Buffy."

"Don't be. It probably saved his life and mine."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, a pregnant Slayer would be an easy target."

"Still…"

"I always knew that I would miss out on a lot of things. Motherhood was not even on my list to begin with. This is more than I had ever hoped for. Besides, Darla had to walk around like a whale instead of me." Buffy smiled cheerfully at that thought. "And she had to suffer from morning sickness. She did, didn't she?" Buffy asked hopefully.

TBC


	9. Reactions and Changes

**CHAPTER 9 –Reactions and Changes**

**Note:**

Happy New Year and a BIG thanks to the people who keep reviewing!

* * *

Exhausted after everything that had happened, Buffy finally fell asleep in Angel's arms, with Connor peacefully sleeping in her own arms. Angel watched them the whole night. He wasn't able to sleep. He didn't want to sleep. He was too mesmerized by the sight of Buffy and Connor. And he was brooding and worrying about their future. Buffy had seemed to forgiven him for his mistakes, for keeping Connor from her, even if it hadn't been intentional. Angel hoped she would still see it that way when she woke up the next morning. Angel wanted this so much, that which was lying in his arms, a family, his family with Buffy. He would never let them go again.

Once during the night, Buffy woke up. She was slightly disoriented.

"Go back to sleep, it's still early." Angel kissed her on her head. Buffy closed her eyes again and quickly went back to sleep.

When the sun was about to rise, even Angel got tired and fell asleep. After the last few days, the constant stress, tension and anxiety were finally getting to him. But only a short while later, Connor's crying woke them both.

"Stay where you are and get some more sleep. I'll feed and change him," Buffy said, knowing he had watched over them the whole night.

Buffy snuck out of the room with Connor and went to Angel's room to change Connor's diapers. Then she went downstairs to feed him. She found Wesley in the kitchen, making tea and coffee. "Wesley!"

"Buffy! I am so glad to see you up and about," Wesley said relieved. "Are you alright? Angel said you were badly hurt. Because of what I did. I am so sorry. I never wanted anybody to get hurt," he said miserably.

"Don't worry about it. I am fine now. As good as new. But I think Angel might still be a bit touchy about that subject. Better stay out of his way for a bit longer. Why are you even here?"

"Um… Cordelia called me and told me what happened here last night." He looked at Connor and then at Buffy. "Is it true?"

At that moment, Cordelia came in as well. She didn't look like she had gotten much sleep. When she saw Buffy standing in the kitchen with Connor in her arms, she froze. Buffy looked undeniably happy and content. Seeing them like that, Cordelia knew it was true. "Well, is it true?" she asked, reminding Buffy of Wesley's question.

Buffy was not sure if she should spill the beans without Angel there. But what was she to do with them staring at her like that and demanding answers? She looked down at Connor and couldn't suppress a smile. She didn't want to deny being his mother. There was no reason. They were her friends too. And they cared about Connor. They deserved to know. Buffy nodded slowly.

"Well, congratulations are in order, I believe," Wesley said joyfully and came over to hug Buffy. Addressing Connor, he said, "Way better choice than your first mommy, Connor. You are a very lucky baby."

Cordelia was still slightly in shock. She tried to tell herself to be happy for Connor's sake. It didn't really work though. She had considered herself his new mom, since his first mom – as Wesley had called Darla – was dead. Anyone would have been better than Darla as his mother. And Darla being so conveniently out of the picture had been the ideal situation for Cordelia. But now Connor's mother was alive, human, the Slayer and the love of Angel's life. It wasn't even a competition anymore. Cordelia knew she stood no chance against Buffy now. She knew she could do nothing but accept the facts and move on. Who would want to be with a vampire anyway? She could do so much better. "Well, I guess you will be staying then?" she asked.

Buffy was preparing Connor's milk. "We don't know yet. It's all a bit overwhelming. We don't want to rush into something or make sudden changes."

"That is probably a wise plan of action," Wesley said. "Look what happened when I didn't think things through first. There's no need to rush anything for you two." He seemed deliriously happy for them.

"But how can you be his mother, Buffy?" Cordelia asked.

"It's a very complicated story. I'm not so clear on the exact circumstances either," Buffy said, trying to avoid that subject.

"Well, I'm sure you have enough on your mind already without satisfying our curiosity," Wesley said.

Buffy gave him a grateful look.

"Curiosity?" Gunn asked, when he came into the kitchen. "Who is curious?" he said, pretending to be uninterested. But then he looked at Buffy with a grin. "So it is true?"

Buffy just nodded.

"Cool! Finally some good news." Gunn really liked Buffy. He liked her spunk and her courage. And of course he thought her incredibly beautiful. Angel was a lucky guy.

When Connor's bottle was ready, Buffy went into the lobby before anyone would come up with more questions. She really wasn't ready to face them yet. She sat down to feed Connor. Buffy would have liked to go back up to be with Angel, but she didn't want to wake him. He deserved some rest after all this. The last days couldn't have been easy for him. Not knowing the test results for only a few hours had driven her crazy. She could only imagine how on edge Angel must have been inwardly for the last few days.

Buffy's musings were interrupted by Fred coming down the stairs. She spotted Buffy and Connor immediately. "What did the test results say?" she asked excitedly. "Is it true?"

Again, Buffy just smiled and nodded.

"Wow! This is so great!" She hugged Buffy tightly.

"Um… careful… Connor."

"Oh, sorry." Fred backed up and smiled at them broadly. "This is so great. Now Connor has a real mommy." Then, she asked sadly, "So, does that mean that you are taking Connor with you? Will Angel leave as well? Are you all leaving together? A family has to stay together."

"We don't know yet."

"If you leave, can I come and visit Connor?"

"Of course you can."

Fred sighed relieved. "Oh, good." When she realized that Buffy only had eyes for Connor, she said, "Well, I'll leave you two alone. You probably have some catching up to do." Fred could hear the others talking in the kitchen and left to join them.

"We do," Buffy said. "We do."

* * *

Buffy had hardly done anything else all day but sit with Connor in the lobby or in the garden, hold him, feed him, change him, bathe him and simply look at him. It was basically what she had done the previous days. But now it was different. She couldn't get enough of simply looking at him, of touching him. She even forgot to eat. It seemed like all the sustenance she needed came from being with Connor.

After having stayed awake almost all night long, Angel came downstairs only shortly before sunset. The others had mostly left Buffy and Connor alone, respecting her need to spend some time with her new-found son. But when Angel came down, Cordelia, Fred and Gunn almost pounced on him and bombarded him with questions. Only Wesley kept in the background, knowing he hadn't Angel's approval to be here.

Angel held up his hands and only said, "Later." He walked over to Buffy and Connor, who were sitting in an armchair. Angel knelt down before Buffy. "Hey, you two okay?"

Buffy smiled happily and nodded.

"Have you had dinner yet?" Angel asked, taking her hand and caressing it. He craved touching her. He had been slightly disappointed when he had woken up and Buffy wasn't there.

"No. But now that you mention it, I am starving."

"You wanna get out of here?" Angel slightly inclined his head towards the small group watching them closely.

Buffy nodded. She'd had some quiet time with Connor. But she wanted some time with Angel too. And here they most likely wouldn't get that.

"Give me about an hour or so, okay?"

"Okay."

Angel gave her a quick but tender kiss. It was an unconscious action and at first Buffy was startled by his public display of affection. She wasn't used to it anymore. She almost expected someone to object or criticize them for their behavior. Angel noticed her hesitant reaction and gave her a questioning look. Buffy just shrugged her shoulders and grinned sheepishly. Angel gave her a reassuring smiled and mouthed an 'I love you'. He placed another kiss on her forehead before he left again. He had things to do.

After Angel had given the others a short run-down of what had happened, including a condensed version of the lost Thanksgiving Day, he took a quick shower and downed a glass of blood. Then he went out. When he came back he busied himself in the kitchen for a while. Finally, he packed Connor's bag, got some blankets and put everything together with a picnic basket in the car. Then he went to get Buffy and Connor.

* * *

They hadn't been driving for long, when Buffy asked, "Where are we going?"

"Be patient."

"That's never been one of my strong points."

"I know. It's a surprise."

Very soon though, Buffy was pretty sure where they were heading. She simply knew LA too well. "The beach?"

Angel just smiled.

"Oh, I love the beach," Buffy said thrilled.

"I know."

Angel parked close enough to the pier that one could see the lights, but far enough away from the crowds so that they would have some privacy. Angel had wanted to get them away from all the tumult. They'd had enough of that the last couple of days and once they would tell the Scooby gang it would probably start all over again.

Angel carried the picnic basket and the blankets over to one of the few palm trees. He spread the blanket and arranged the food. He had gotten a little bit of everything, some fruit, some salad, some sandwiches and some dessert.

"Wow, you did that in less than an hour?"

"I admit I had some help from the supermarket."

"It looks delicious."

"Well, go on then, see if it tastes as good as it looks."

Buffy was really hungry by now and dug in. But never once did she put Connor down.

Angel was leaning against the palm tree and watching Buffy intently. "Should I get jealous?" Angel teased.

Buffy looked at him confused.

"Put him at least down while you eat." Angel made a little bed from the blanket and put Connor in the middle of it.

Buffy was unusually quiet during dinner. "Is everything alright?" Angel asked. Buffy was someone who could talk and talk without hardly ever taking a breath. He was the exact opposite. And today he came to understand why this behavior had always bothered Buffy. Her talkativeness might border on annoying at times - most of the time he found it endearing though - but at least he knew what was going on in her mind. Especially today he wanted to know what she was thinking, what was going through her head, what she was feeling.

"Yeah, what should be wrong?"

"You are just so quiet."

"Just happy."

"Good."

Once Buffy had finished eating she was starting to get cold. She checked on Connor and covered him some more with the blanket, pulling her own jacket closer around herself.

"Take Connor and hand me the blanket," Angel said. "It is big enough for both of you."

Buffy picked up Connor and Angel held out the blanket in front of him so that Buffy could sit between his legs. Carefully, he wrapped the blanket around Buffy and Connor. Buffy snuggled contently into his embrace.

"Comfy?"

"Yes, very."

Angel leaned over Buffy's left shoulder and said, "Let's see if we can warm you up some more."

Buffy titled her head slightly. "I am open to suggestions."

Angel tenderly brushed her lips with his. Buffy eagerly returned the kiss. His lips were cool, but Buffy didn't mind. They were so smooth and addicting. She was wondering how she had gone for so long without kissing him. And she hoped she'd never have to go without it again.

When Buffy's breathing became affected by their kissing, Angel slowly broke away from her lips. "Better?"

Buffy smiled dreamily and nodded.

They were quiet for a long time, just looking at the dark ocean, listening to the breaking waves and simply enjoying being together.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," Buffy said.

"Me too." But then Angel noticed that Buffy was shivering slightly. "You are trembling. Maybe we should get back."

"I don't want to go back yet." Buffy dreaded the questions, the decisions they would have to make. She wanted to procrastinate just a little bit longer.

"Okay, but let's walk a bit along the beach. That'll warm you up."

They stowed the picnic basket and blankets back in the car. They leisurely walked along the water side by side. Angel had his arm around Buffy, who was holding Connor.

"You were right before," Buffy said suddenly.

"Was I?" Angel asked surprised. "When?"

"When you said that if I had a child, I wouldn't care how it was conceived."

Angel cringed at the memory of those words. He'd hurt her deeply by saying that.

"Because I don't care," Buffy went on. "I mean, I do, of course. I wish Darla's involvement were just a bad dream. But in the end it doesn't matter. Because I don't love him any less because Darla gave birth to him. Not one bit. Because he is mine. Connor is my son. He is our son. And nothing can ever change that now."

Angel looked at her in awe. It was the first time that she had referred to Connor as 'her son'. She fully accepted him as hers, as her own flesh and blood. For the first time, Buffy seemed to find nothing but joy in Connor being her son, not focusing on what had been taken from her, but solely focusing on what was given to her. Seeing Connor in Buffy's arms - his mother's arms - and Buffy so happy was all Angel could have ever wished for. It was the first time that he was able to forget all the dire circumstances that had led to this moment. All the anguish and anxiety of the last few days were forgotten. It didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was his own little family. One look at Connor in Buffy's arms and Angel felt like he was finally forgiven for what he had done. Silent tears of joy were running down his cheek. But then a horrible pain ripped through him. It felt like he had been struck by lightning. Another pain shook his body and he crumbled to the ground.

"Angel! What's wrong?"

Oh God, no, not again. This couldn't be happening. "Buffy, run!"

"What? Why?"

"Take Connor and run!"

Angel had no doubt about what was happening to him. He could feel a strong power tugging at his soul. It was an unbearable pain, physical and emotional pain. But the emotional pain was worse than anything else. It was a feeling he would never forget. Just like when he had lost his soul four years ago, one moment he'd had everything, only to loose it all in the next one. But this time was worse, because he knew exactly what was happening to him. And he knew what he was capable of doing to Buffy. And there was even more at stake this time.

Frantically, Angel reached into his coat pocket and fumbled for the car keys. He pressed them into Buffy's hand. "You have to get away from me!"

By now, Buffy knew what was happening. "No!" Buffy cried. "No, this can't be!"

"Run!"

"Angel!"

"Run! Now!"

Buffy's first instinct was to stay and fight. But she knew that if anything happened to Connor, Angel would never forgive himself. And neither would she. Buffy quickly kissed him and whispered, "We love you!"

Then she started to run as fast as she could with Connor in her arms, trying to get as much distance as possible between herself and Angel before he turned into Angelus.

TBC

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**Note:**

Please review! I am really curious to know what you think.


	10. Shattered Dreams and Sinking Hope

**CHAPTER 10 – Shattered Dreams and Sinking Hope**

**Note:**

_Thank you for the many reviews! The feedback was mainly positive and that makes me very happy. I really expected more backlash for bringing Angelus back. So I am really glad that it worked for most of you. Yay!_

_And yes, I know that was mean. But look at it this way, if they had gotten their happily ever after in the last chapter, the story would have been over. That said, if you don't like Angelus or the turn this story took, you might want to consider pretending they got their happily ever after already. __**Consider this a warning**__._

* * *

Angel tried to hold it off, to buy time for Buffy and Connor. He didn't know how, but he tried anyway. Should he run in the other direction? Would that help? Maybe every second could matter in the end. If they'd been at the hotel, he could have chained himself or something. He wished it had been day, then he could have walked into the sunlight before his soul would be completely gone, to make sure that Angelus could never hurt anybody again, least of all Buffy and their son. He wished there was some wood lying around, but there was nothing but sand. The promenade was too far away and he needed all his strength to keep fighting - maybe the most important fight of his life - buying Buffy and Connor a few more seconds or minutes. Those were the last thoughts Angel had.

* * *

Buffy was heading straight for Sunnydale in Angel's car. She couldn't risk warning the AI gang first. She had most likely just one shot at getting Angel's soul back. And for that she had to get to Sunnydale as fast as possible. If someone had an orb, it would be Giles. And Willow knew how to do the curse. Buffy had no time to spare. And most likely Angelus knew that as well and would be heading straight for Sunnydale too. He knew where she was heading and that would be where he was heading. Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Cordelia should be safe for now. Buffy wasn't sure if one of them would be able to perform the spell or even if they had it there, maybe Wesley. But she banked on Angelus knowing that she couldn't be sure about the spell being able to be performed in LA.

Buffy made one stop on the way to Sunnydale, at a payphone. She left Connor in the car, which was parked right next to the phone booth. She didn't dare leave him out of her sight for one second. Buffy first tried it at home, but nobody picked up. Buffy would have cursed, but she didn't have time. She called directory assistance. "I need the number for 'Willy's' in Sunnydale. It's a bar." The operator gave her the number. Buffy hung up and dialed again. "Is Spike there?"

"Yes. Who's-"

"I need to talk to him. Now!"

A few seconds later, Buffy heard Spike's voice at the other end. "Hello?"

"I called at home and nobody was there. Where is Dawn?" Buffy rattled off.

"Calm down. She is sleeping at a friend's tonight."

"Get Dawn and leave immediately. Don't tell me or the others where."

"He is back, isn't he?" Spike asked calmly.

"Yes. Please, just go."

"You sure you don't want my help with-"

"No, just take Dawn and leave."

"I will. You won't have to worry about her."

"Thanks. Tell her I love her."

"Sure."

Buffy was about to hang up, when she thought of something else. "Where are the others? Do you know where Giles and Willow are?"

"I think Xander and Willow wanted to help Giles with something."

"Where?"

"At his apartment, I guess. He wanted to do some renovating or something. I'm not quite sure. They told me but I wasn't really paying attention. Do you want me to give them a heads-up?"

While Buffy had been talking on the phone, her fingers had unconsciously been playing with something in her pocket. Only now did she notice the action and realized that she had no idea what it was. When Angel had pressed his car keys into her hand at the beach, he had pressed another object into her hand as well. Buffy had dismissed it as unintentional and had put it into her pocket, only being interested in the keys and getting Connor to safety. Buffy pulled the object out of her pocket. It was a handkerchief and it felt like something hard was wrapped inside it. Carefully, she unfolded the handkerchief. Inside was a claddagh ring. Buffy' heart skipped a beat. Dozens of questions were flooding her mind. Was it her ring? Was it a new ring? Had Angel given it to her deliberately after all? And if so, why? Was it supposed to be a message? Had he planned on giving it to her at the beach? Why hadn't he done so earlier, during their picnic or right afterwards? And what was the meaning of the ring? Could he possibly…? Had he planned to…?

"Buffy?" Spike's voice tore Buffy out of her thoughts. "Buffy, are you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry, what did you say?"

"I said they are probably at Giles' apartment. Shall I give them a heads-up?"

Buffy thought for a moment. "No, I think I have a head start. I need to think about how to best break this to them."

"Good luck. You'll need it."

"I know." She hung up.

Buffy was afraid that if she didn't tell them face to face, they would consider destroying what they needed for the spell in order to prevent her from getting Angel back and forcing her to kill him instead. Admittedly, if Giles had an orb at all, he should have one with the intention of using it. But her biggest fear was Xander, how he would react and what he would do. She didn't want to give him the opportunity to do something rash. Buffy had to tell them in person. She had to be able to do damage control if necessary. She had to get Angel back, for Connor. He was her main reason to do whatever was necessary, within reason, to get his father back. And they'd never believe that story over the phone or from Spike. She wasn't even sure Spike would believe her. She had to show them her reason for getting Angel's soul back. Buffy knew she might have to beg for their help and she hoped that Connor's presence would work in her favor.

* * *

Buffy stormed into Giles' apartment without knocking. Xander was assembling a shelf while Willow and Giles seemed to be reorganizing his books.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Giles asked, putting down the book he was holding.

"Who is that?" Willow asked, coming closer and making googly eyes at Connor.

"We need an orb of thessala," Buffy said. "Now!"

"Buffy, calm down. Tell us what happened."

"No time. We need an orb of thessala."

Xander caught on, "I can't believe you actually slept with him."

"I didn't."

Xander made a face that clearly showed he didn't believe one word she was saying.

"We did not sleep with each other," Buffy said. "I swear."

"But Angelus is back?" Giles asked, a frown forming on his face.

"Yes, he is."

"But how?" Willow asked.

"Buffy, maybe this time it would be better if you…," Giles said.

"No, no way," Buffy protested.

"God, you are still in love with him?" Xander asked incredulously.

"Of course I love him. I never stopped."

"Buffy, if you didn't… um… sleep with him, then maybe the orb is useless," Giles said. "If it was something else that triggered Angel's transformation, the spell might have no effect."

"It will."

"How can you be so sure of that?" Giles asked skeptically. "And why do you have a baby with you?"

Buffy looked down at Connor and stroked his cheek lovingly. "This is the reason Angel lost his soul. And the reason why nobody will even try to kill Angelus, at least not right away. I am aware that I might have to do it, if we can't recurse him, and I will, believe me. But first we will try the spell."

"I don't understand," Giles said.

"This is Connor, Angel's son. And he is the reason Angel lost his soul. Because he is also my son. "

"Buffy, that's not possible," Giles said, shaking his head and looking at her as if she had lost her mind.

"I know it's hard to believe, but it is true. I will explain later. But please, we have to do the spell first."

"I have an orb," Willow said suddenly. Everybody looked her. "I… After Angel came back I got one, just in case."

"Good thinking, Will," Xander said, giving Buffy a contemptuous look.

Addressing Buffy, Willow quickly added, "No, it wasn't because I didn't trust you, Buffy. I knew you would never do anything to endanger us. You'd never do that. I just… I just thought it couldn't hurt to have one around for… whatever."

"Good thinking, Will," Buffy agreed.

"Um… I have one, too," Giles said.

"Great, let's do the spell then," Buffy said.

"It's not here," Giles said. "I keep it in a safe."

"Willow, where is yours?"

"It's in a shoe box in my wardrobe."

"Okay, I will go with Willow. Xander, you will go with Giles to get the orb. We meet back here. Be careful, Angelus will know what we are up to. But I think he will try to get to Willow first, because she knows how to do the spell. She has done it before and it worked. Giles would be next on the list."

Giles was already going through his weaponry and handed Xander a cross and a stake. For himself, Giles opted for a crossbow and several stakes.

"If he comes one step too close, I will kill him," Xander said to Buffy. "No matter who that little guy's father or mother is."

Buffy wasn't too worried about Xander's threat, he was really no match for Angelus. But provoking Angelus would probably get him killed. "Xander, stay out of his way."

"Buffy is right, this is just for defense," Giles said. "Never underestimate Angelus."

"Oh, come on, Giles. Don't tell me you will spare that monster, just because Buffy somehow believes they have a child together."

Buffy knew Giles could be a threat to Angelus. With a bit of luck, if he set his mind to it, he might be able to kill him. Buffy was banking on Angelus not being too obsessed with killing her closest friends as long as they didn't get in his way. He hadn't done so last time, even though he had had plenty of opportunities. Buffy hoped he would stick to that pattern this time as well. "Connor is my son. And Angelus will mainly be interested in Willow, Connor and me. And if I don't make it, somebody will have to look after Connor. Giles, please, don't be reckless. I understand you want revenge for Jenny, but please, I need you to look after Connor, if something happens to me."

"Come on, Buffy. I never thought you would be this naïve," Xander said contemptuously. "Angel tells you Connor is your son and you believe him just like that? I don't remember ever seeing you with a big stomach."

"I would be interested in that as well," Giles said, taking off his glasses and starting to clean them.

"We don't have time for this now," Buffy pleaded.

"Buffy, I think you can understand that if you want me to look after Connor, I would have much more incentive to do so, if I was sure he was your son, not just Angel's son."

Would Giles really turn Connor away, if he believed him to be Angel's son, but not Buffy's son? "He is my son. I didn't give birth to him. Darla did. But the Oracles told Angel that he is my son, that Darla was just a means to an end. And Angel had a DNA test done that confirmed that Connor is my flesh and blood. Besides, I can feel it. At first I thought it was just because he was part of Angel, but it's different. I have a connection with him. He is my son, Giles."

"That still doesn't explain how Connor would have come into existence," Giles said.

"Exactly," Xander piped in. "Don't tell me you believe in immaculate conception."

Buffy groaned inwardly. They didn't have time for this, but she needed Giles on her side. "There was one day when Angel was human. The blood of a demon made him human. Connor was conceived on that day. But the Oracles turned back the day because Angel was no use to them and me without his strength." On purpose she left out that she couldn't remember that day and that it had been over two years ago. It would only cause more questions and doubts. "I will explain everything you want to know later. But now we really gotta hurry. Please."

"Fine," Giles finally agreed. "Let's go."

* * *

Had the others listened to Buffy and not wasted time with demanding an explaining for Connor's existence, everything else might have turned out differently. But so they had given Angelus, who had been eavesdropping, a head start. Buffy's own head start had actually just been a few minutes. Since she had taken Angel's car to Sunnydale, she had assumed that it would take Angelus some time to get back to AI and get her car and follow her. She had neglected to consider that he would just take _any_ car directly from the pier.

Buffy had lost precious time when she had stopped to call Spike and tell him to get Dawn to safety. And while Buffy had been reluctant to go more than a few miles per hour over the speed limit because she had Connor in the car with her, Angelus had had no such qualms at all. Thus he had arrived in Sunnydale even before Buffy. He had headed directly to her house. When he had found it empty he had gone on to Giles' place, where he had arrived only moments after Buffy.

Angelus had been listening in on their conversation and now he knew where the orbs were. He quickly went to Willow's place and – thanks to her detailed description - had no trouble finding the orb in the shoe box. It was exactly where she had said it was. Giles' orb was a bit trickier. But Angelus simply let them get the orb and intercepted them on their way back to Giles' apartment, smashing the orb onto the street in front of their eyes. Then he disappeared into the night again.

* * *

Buffy and Willow got back to Giles' apartment first. When Xander and Giles arrived, everybody asked simultaneously "Did you get the orb?"

"No, Willow's wardrobe was ransacked," Buffy informed the others. "Angelus got there before us. He knew exactly where to look. What about you?"

"He intercepted us and smashed the orb," Giles said.

"Damn!"

Startled by Buffy's outburst, Connor started to cry.

"Ssh, we'll find a way, sweety. We'll find a way to get your daddy back," Buffy said while rocking Connor. "We'll find another orb."

"You mean this orb?" Angelus asked. He was standing in the door to Giles' apartment, leisurely toying with the orb, tossing it into the air and catching it again easily. "And what would you need it for anyway? I am his father. Soul or no soul, doesn't make a difference."

"Yeah, right," Buffy said. Handing Connor to Willow, she took a protective stance between them and Angelus. As far as she knew, Angelus still had an invitation into Giles' apartment and could attack any moment. "A father does not have the urge to kill his own son."

"Assumptions, assumptions, lover. Who said I want to kill him?"

"Habit? Logic? You hate me. You want to kill me. Why would you feel any different towards _my_ son? Angel's son?"

"Well, if it really had been Darla's whelp, then yeah, I couldn't care less. But Buff, he is ours, yours and mine. This is a connection you can't deny."

Had he gone completely mad or was he just play-acting? "He is Angel's son, not yours."

"Tell that to yourself, if it makes you happy. But you know he is _my_ flesh and blood as well."

"So would he have been if he was Darla's. You just gave yourself away."

"I couldn't care less about Darla. Killing her was the only sensible thing your Angel ever did. Well, and knocking you up, of course. Too bad that I don't remember that time as vividly as I remember your first time with him." For some reason, Angelus had only very hazy recollections of Angel's day as a human. "That must have been a way better show than on your birthday." Angelus licked his lips provocatively. "But then, that means that we two have something else in common, don't we? Not remembering, no first-hand memories."

Buffy was too shaken to say anything.

"What, no snappy comeback? Okay, let's stop the chit-chat then. Let's make a deal."

TBC


	11. Deal and Deadline

**CHAPTER 11 – Deal and Deadline**

**Note:**

_Thanks for the continuous support of this story. Sorry that this update has taken so long. I wish I could write the chapters faster. I hope the length makes up a bit for the wait. I am not losing interest in my stories. I am just really busy at the moment._

_Have a great weekend!_

* * *

"A deal?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, a deal."

"I can't imagine I would agree to anything you have to say."

"Someone seems to be prejudiced," Angelus said.

"Get on with it. You might end up all burnt and charcoaled, if you keep on talking like this. Guess you didn't have many friends to chat with where you were locked up."

Angelus grinned smugly. "Come on, Buff, we all know the reason I do have so much leverage over you is that _you_ don't want this body to end up all burnt and charcoaled. I wonder how much of that is due to your new-found mommy feelings and how much of it is simple selfishness."

It was getting harder and harder for Buffy to maintain her composure. After everything, Angelus still could get to her with simple words. Even though Buffy dreaded where this was going, stalling wouldn't make the outcome go away. It would only give Angelus more opportunities to wear her down mentally. She could do without the psychological warfare. She knew in her current state of mind she wouldn't fare very well. "As I said before, can we get on with it?"

Angelus took her lack of a quick-witted retort as the first sign of his impending victory. He relished it in silence. He loved watching Buffy squirm, trying to hide the effect his words had on her. It was better than torture. Well, in a way it was torture, a sophisticated way of torture. It was an art really, an art he had perfected. It was something most vampires didn't have the patience for, nor the skill. "Of course, since you asked so nicely. I'll let your friends live and in exchange…" Angelus trailed off and looked expectantly at Buffy.

Buffy returned his look, holding his gaze, trying to appear bored by his stalling tactics, trying to hide how afraid she was of his next words.

"Can't you guess?" Angelus asked.

"Tell us what you want already," Xander said angrily, "so that Buffy can send you to hell. Again."

Angelus turned on Xander with a threatening snarl. "The first one to go to hell is usually the stupid, insolent bastard who couldn't keep his mouth shut."

"You were saying?" Buffy tried to regain Angelus' attention.

"You get to keep your _annoying_ friends. And I get… you."

"Me?" Buffy asked. "As in dead? Or turned? Or your personal slave to wash the blood out of your clothes?"

"None of the above. Although some of your suggestions do have merit and I might get back to them later."

"You know, I just realized that you and Angel have more in common than I thought."

"Please, do tell," Angelus said mockingly.

"You are both annoyingly cryptic and like giving evasive answers. Not a good trait."

"In my business, it is."

"Well, this business deal is about to fall through, if you don't get to the point soon."

"I already told you what I want."

"Well, since I am blond you have to explain it to me a little better," Buffy said irritated.

"I want you. Not as in dead or turned, but as in us."

"Us?" Buffy asked disbelievingly.

"You really have to work on your pronouns, lover. Us as in you and me."

"Right, and that would work how?" Buffy asked sarcastically. "Because every scenario I can come up with includes at least one of us dead at the end of the night."

"Well, we already tried that last time. So, in order to give you a little incentive to play nice - and to make it more interesting - this deal is of a temporary nature. I am aware that you probably plan to simply bide your time and look for another orb. But there's a catch should you try that."

"Let me guess, you'll kill my friends?" Buffy asked unimpressed.

Angelus snapped his fingers. "I knew there was a reason why they say you are one of the best Slayers."

Buffy didn't say anything. She simply waited for him to come to the point.

"I am aware I will have to give you a bit more than the promise that I won't kill your friends," Angelus said.

"Which you wouldn't keep anyway," Buffy pointed out.

"Just like you wouldn't keep your promise to stay away from those pesky little orbs," Angelus returned sweetly. "Unless I give you another option. So, in order to keep you from doing such a foolish thing, I will give you an orb – to do with whatever you want – in exactly one year from now."

"Right. Will I get this in writing? Maybe signed in blood?" Buffy asked in a mockingly sweet voice. How stupid did he think she was? "Don't take it personally, but I don't believe one word of that."

In a split second, Angelus' face went from calm and composed to purely evil. "I tried to meet you halfway, but since you are as stubborn as always, let me put it this way: You simply have no other choice."

Giles came up behind Buffy and put a supporting hand on her shoulder. "Don't listen to him, Buffy," he whispered. "We'll find another way." Even more quietly, he said, "We'll find another orb."

Angelus started laughing madly. Giles' whispering had been no obstacle to hearing what the Watcher had said to his Slayer. Then, with an evil grin, relishing every single word, he said, "If you can find one."

"You can never get rid of all the orbs," Giles said.

"I won't have to," Angelus said calmly.

"And why is that?" Buffy asked, not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.

"Because," he made a meaningful pause and then continued in a whisper, as if he was letting them in on a secret, "I have gotten rid of them already."

"Sure, nice try," Buffy said disbelievingly.

"Oh, Buff," Angelus said condescendingly. "Not today of course. After the librarian's girlfriend tried to curse me, you didn't think I would risk those things lying around, did you? I had enough time on my hands to get rid of them and threaten every magic shop owner that the next time I found them with one I would kill them. My reputation and some money took care of the rest. Sure, there might be some left, but if I can't find them, you won't be able to either. And if you ask the wrong person, who is on my payroll - well, okay, on my death threat list - I will know what you are up to and the consequences for trying to snoop around behind my back," Angelus got a dreamy look on his face, as if he was envisioning something very pleasant. The next moment, he looked at Buffy with a stone cold expression. "Let's just say it won't be pretty."

Giles had listened intently to everything Angelus had said. In a frightening way, it did make sense. He remembered what a hard time he'd had getting a new one orb after Willow had performed the spell. He'd tried ordering one from Britain. But none of his usual sources had had one. Could Angelus' connection go all the way to Europe? Why not? He had struck terror into people's hearts there long enough. Giles had finally been able to locate an orb with an old friend of his. He had only parted with it reluctantly and only after Giles had offered a very rare book of his own collection in exchange. He wondered where and when Willow had gotten her orb.

"You are bluffing," Buffy said, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"You think?" Angel asked with a self-satisfying grin. "Wanna try your luck? Who should I kill first? Do you want to nominate the person who gets to die first? I know, I know, it's a hard decision. But if you can't decide, don't worry, I already have a wish list in my head. On second thought though, even for me it's a hard decision between the most useful and the most enjoyable kill." He first looked at Willow and then at Xander.

"I get it. I get it. No killing, we can settle this without any killing," Buffy implored, trying to keep her voice as steady as she could.

"Spoil-sport."

"What do you get out of it?" Buffy asked.

"Well, in time, you will realize that I can be just as nice as your soul boy and a lot more useful and - how shall I put this – satisfying." Angelus gave Buffy a sleazy look. He was enjoying this immensely. "You'll get what you always wanted but couldn't have with him, because for me there are no such restrictions. So, what I will get out of it after one year is you choosing me over him. Willingly." He said the last word very slowly, enjoying it.

"You arrogant bastard! That will never happen!"

"Such language in front of our son, Buff. That is something we have to work on."

Buffy couldn't believe this. This was like a crazy, twisted nightmare. "This is insane!"

"Come on, Buff, denial doesn't suit you. And, as you pointed out earlier, we don't have all night."

Buffy didn't know what to say anymore.

"Actually, I do have all the time in the world, but you haven't," Angelus said. "And usually, I have a lot of patience as well. But, sadly, with you I can't be as patient as I could be with an undead lover."

"I will never let you turn me," Buffy spat.

"I know," he said nonchalantly. "And honestly, I don't want that, at least not yet, not until junior here is old enough to get along on his own. I'd prefer him to have a human mother. And I enjoy a challenge. Undead bodies are everywhere. And willing. I've had that for decades and decades," Angelus said bored. "Besides, it's so hard to make a name for oneself here in the new country. In Europe that was easy. The Scourge of Europe! Impressive, right? I mean, yeah, I killed a bunch of people. Okay, several bunches of people. But here, just killing doesn't seem to be enough. Or maybe it's just that times have changed. People are not that easily impressed anymore. Even though all that technology should work in my favor, don't you think? Back in the old days, word only traveled by mouth. And often I killed so many of them that there was hardly anyone left to tell the tale. But today, all the credit goes to some idiot, doped up street gang. And nobody even shrugs a shoulder anymore. Can you imagine how damn annoying that is for a self-respecting vampire?" Angelus asked frustrated. "But with you at my side," he gave Buffy a dazzling smile, "what vampire can say he seduced a Slayer, a warm Slayer with a beating heart?"

Angelus wanted Buffy. He was fascinated and even slightly obsessed with her. He would never admit that though, of course. She was the only one he had never been able to defeat or break completely. He'd come close, but that wasn't enough. And he knew he had to change tactics. Over the last few years, Buffy had only become stronger. And she was better prepared for him. Simply turning into Angelus hadn't caught her off guard. Last time, it had taken her weeks to come to terms with it. Not so this time. He could see it in her eyes. She was still a bit shaken by the turn of events, but not enough to impair her judgment. Her eyes showed nothing but determination to do whatever was necessary. He needed a new tactic to get to her, a more sophisticated approach. Driving Buffy into a corner wouldn't be wise. As long as he didn't give her a reason, she would try everything to avoid killing him as long as she could. Buffy had been the passive one so far, but if he pushed the wrong buttons Angelus knew that would change. He had to tread carefully.

But he had changed as well. His goals had changed. World domination – or destruction – had been tried so many times, it was getting old. He would show the world that he was a force to be reckoned with. He would attempt what nobody had tried before. Well, admittedly, Spike had had something similar with Dru. But Dru wasn't the Slayer and he could outdo his grandchilde any day. Spike was only William the Bloody. Angelus was the Scourge of Europe. Dru had been loyal to Spike because she loved him - until he had messed up big time. Dru's loyalty to Angelus on the other hand had stemmed from the fact that he had driven her crazy. With Buffy it would be different. He'd learned his lesson. After Dru he had never again driven somebody mad _and_ let them live for eternity. Never again. No, with Buffy he had other plans, better plans, more ambitious plans. Innocent, naïve Drusilla had been an interesting venture back in the days. But in the end turning her had done the deal. It hadn't really been difficult to influence Drusilla. She had been a weak and fragile little girl. Buffy was the exact opposite. She would be a real challenge. She was strong, proud, determined and difficult to control. She was his equal. She was worthy of him. And she was the mother of his son.

Admittedly, Connor made the whole situation even more complex. He was an important factor Angelus couldn't ignore. If he threatened to hurt Connor, Buffy might be lost to him forever. Angelus wasn't stupid. He knew Buffy had her limits. The trick was to keep her on the edge without driving her over the edge. On the other hand, if Angelus played his cards right, Connor might prove to be an advantage for his plans to get to Buffy. And he was something no other vampire had ever had, a son, a real living offspring, who shared his DNA, not just his blood. A son who could walk in daylight, who would grow up, who could be molded and could pass on his DNA. Immortality suddenly got a whole new meaning. Connor's existence alone would set Angelus even more apart from other vampires. A human son with the Slayer, now that was something no other vampire could pride himself on. He actually had to be grateful for that to Angel. Without his souled counterpart there would have been no son, no reunion with Buffy and thus no broken curse. He had been good for something after all. And just like Connor, Angel would be an accomplice to his plans as well. Angel had screwed up just often enough that Angelus might profit from it.

Buffy just stood there, not knowing what to say. Angelus' little speech had reminded her only too vividly that she was dealing with a mass-murderer. Finally, she said, "I would never choose you willingly over Angel. Never!"

"I guess we'll simply have to wait and see then."

"You would never willingly go back to your little black hole and let Angel come back."

"Again, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. But consider this, unlike your Angel I have never lied to you."

"That doesn't mean you won't do it the second it suits your purposes. And at least Angel never tried to kill me."

"I have to admit that might have been a bit rash. I wasn't quite ready to commit to you," Angelus said with a smirk. "I was ashamed of our relationship."

"Relationship? What relationship?" Buffy asked outraged. "I was with Angel."

"Well, yeah, that might be, but it would have been rather difficult to sell that to my peers. This cursed soul thing is quite complicated and not very widely known. And the majority of demons is not overly bright. So in order to regain my reputation - the reputation your Angel had destroyed by his non-killing of humans, offing our own people and then, on top of everything else, hanging out with you – I had to renounce you and say that it was a mistake. And I admit, that wasn't my most clever move, because I never make mistakes. You should have been the one to be ashamed. The Slayer choosing a vamp as her boyfriend? If the Council could have fired you, they would have. For me on the other hand, it would have been an accomplishment, not a reason to be ashamed. I mean, what vampire can say he slept with a Slayer? So yes, I didn't handle that situation too well."

Buffy couldn't believe her ears. Had he gone completely mad? Had the repeated switching back and forth of his soul finally fried his brain? Or was it simply a trick?

"Buff, let's face it. You could fight me. But then I would most likely kill you, kill our son and then everybody else you know. Maybe you can kill me. I don't doubt you have the guts. I know you do. But in that little scenario, you would have to explain to _our_ son, that you killed his father. Think he will ever forgive you? But, if you agree to my little scenario, you get everything you ever wanted. A father for your son, friends that are not dead and the option – which you won't need anyway – to get your Angel back."

"And how would that work? You want me to become a stay at home mom?"

"You could, but you don't have to. Since I need to stay inside during the day anyway, you'd have the perfect babysitter."

"No way am I gonna leave you alone with Connor for _one_ second. Forget it."

"We can discuss the details later. For now, I just want a simple yes or no."

"Will you give me some time to think about it?"

Angelus laughed. "There's nothing to think about, Buff."

"Let's see, it's either living with a mass-murderer or face certain death, which literally is kind of one and the same thing. I think that warrants some thinking time."

"Fine, 10 minutes tops. Want me to look after junior for you?"

Buffy gave him a look of death.

Angelus shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, I just wanted to show you that I am willing to share parent duties."

Buffy motioned the others into another room.

"Giles, what am I gonna do?" Buffy asked forlornly. "He's never gonna stick to his word. This is impossible. Giles, what shall I do?" She felt like crying but didn't have the luxury right now.

"Buffy, I know this is hard, but we need to keep a clear head right now. I have the same concerns as you. We can never believe what Angelus promises. Well, unless he promises to kill us all. That he will keep. And that's why you have to agree. You know there is no other way, at least not at the moment. We need to stall for time and that's the only way."

"What does he want? What's his goal?"

"You think he is after something else?" Willow asked.

"I am not sure. But this doesn't make much sense. Or am I missing something here?"

"He's always been obsessed with you," Willow said.

"And so far, he's not been very forthcoming with what exactly he has planned for you, Buffy," Xander said. "Besides, he's a maniac. They are not really known for behaving logical."

"He most likely isn't telling us the whole truth," Giles said. "But I believe his main goal does involve Buffy or Connor somehow."

Buffy looked at Connor. There really was no other choice at the moment. "Well, then let the games begin." She took a deep breath and went back to Angelus. "Okay, you get your deal. But one year is too long, six months."

"Come on, Buff. I need a fair chance. I know right now you hate me. I am charming, but I am not naïve."

"Oh, someone isn't too confident after all," Buffy goaded, hoping to challenge his ego and make him agree to her terms.

"I don't see any other volunteers to win your heart. You are not exactly Miss Easy-to-please," Angelus shot back.

"Fine, eight months."

"Ten." Angelus gave her a knowing smile. They both knew where this would end. "Great, so it's nine months. Or do you want to haggle for weeks as well?"

Buffy gave him a defiant look. "But you harm one of my friends, the deal is off, no matter what I will have to tell Connor later on."

"Don't worry, I know how attached you get to your friends."

"So, what's the plan now? How does this work?"

"I'll back off for now. I got some things to do, like putting this," he tossed the orb in the air, "in a safe place. And you should get some sleep, Buff. You really don't look so good."

Buffy looked at him dumbfounded.

"What, not to your liking? Want some company in bed?"

Buffy's look turned murderous.

"Didn't think so," Angelus said. "I'll meet you tomorrow night. Your place or mine?"

"Yours." Buffy wanted to keep Angelus as far away from her friends as possible.

Without another word Angelus left.

Buffy stared blankly at the door for a moment. The others were just watching her, waiting what she would do. Then Buffy took a deep breath and walked over to Willow, taking Connor from her and simply holding him close.

"He's been fussy for a while," Willow informed Buffy.

"He's probably hungry. It's been a while since he ate. I'll get his stuff from the car." She handed Connor back to Willow. Before anybody could say anything else, Buffy was out the door and pulled it close behind her, making it clear that she didn't want company. But instead of getting Connor's bag out of the trunk, Buffy opened the door to the driver's side, sat down and braced her head on her arms on the steering wheel. She needed just a minute to herself.

She had lost Angel. Just a little over an hour ago they had been sitting at the beach together. And now he was gone. Buffy felt so alone, maybe even more alone than ever before. She wasn't sure she could do this again. But she simply had to, for Connor. At least this time she had the tiniest chance of getting him back. It was more than she'd had last time when they hadn't known about the spell from the beginning. Buffy knew the chance was small that this would work out. But she had to take that chance. If she outright refused Angelus, he'd hunt her and her friends mercilessly. He was a sore loser. There'd be no negotiating with him. Agreeing to his deal was Buffy's best bet at the moment. She knew he might break off said deal at any moment. But so would she, if a better chance to protect Connor and her friends or to get Angel back came along. After taking another couple of deep breaths, Buffy got Connor's bag and went back inside.

When she opened the door, the others stopped their conversation immediately. Buffy went into the kitchen and prepared Connor's bottle. But when she tried to measure the formula, her hands were shaking so badly that she spilled the powder.

Willow took the measuring spoon from her hand and handed her Connor. "I'll do it. Sit down."

Buffy sat down on the sofa, cuddling Connor while staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.

Giles got a glass of water and handed it to Buffy. "Maybe you should run, Buffy, with Connor," Giles suggested.

Buffy shook her head. "He'll either find me or kill everyone I know, or everyone in Sunnydale. He'll probably place a card with my name on it on every corpse he'll leave in his tracks. Or all of the above." Suddenly, Buffy remembered something. "We have to warn the others! We have to warn Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Fred."

"I'll do it," Giles offered.

"No, I should do it," Buffy said. She handed Connor over to Giles, reached for the phone and dialed the number of AI.

Cordelia picked up. "Yes?"

"Cordy, it's me."

"You are in Sunnydale, aren't you?" Cordelia asked accusingly. "Don't try to deny it. I can see the caller-ID. I've lived there almost my whole life. Don't think I would forget the area code of my home town."

"Yes, Cordy, I am calling from Sunnydale, but-"

"You had this planned from the beginning, didn't you? You coming to LA wasn't a coincidence. You somehow knew about Connor and wanted him. And then you saw it as the perfect chance to lure Angel back to Sunnydale. And you don't spare one thought about what that will mean for AI. Angel built AI from scratch. And now you gonna take it from him, destroy it. AI won't survive without Angel. And we'll be jobless. You know, not everybody can have a calling like you." Cordy made it sound as if Buffy had a safe job that actually paid money. "AI is Angel's. He did it without you and you can't stand that, can you? And now you are using Connor to get Angel back, to tear him away from what he built for himself and from his friends. What kind of a mother are you?"

"Shut up, Cordy!"

"How dare you?"

"Cordy! Angel lost his soul."

"What?"

"I called to warn you. Angelus is back."

"You slept with him? How could you?"

"Cordy, I don't have time to explain right now, but we did not sleep with each other. I just-"

"Yeah, right. Weaseling your way out as always."

"Cordy! Will you please shut up and listen?"

"Sure, fine, whatever."

"Angelus is back. And I just wanted to let you all know."

"Will you at least have the guts to kill him this time?"

"Cordy!"

"Alright, alright, I'm listening."

"Angelus is here in Sunnydale. And we are kind of… um… working out a deal. So he shouldn't be a threat-"

Cordelia started laughing.

Buffy looked annoyed at the phone. She was on the verge of hanging up on Cordelia.

"Sorry," Cordelia said, still having trouble containing her laughter. "But how delusional are you? He's probably already killed Willow and Giles."

"They are standing right next to me."

"Well, then they are as good as dead. And we are probably next on his list."

"Listen, Cordy, I just called to warn you. And I don't think he is after you guys. You should be safe in LA. I'll keep you updated."

"Sure, and when should I assume you are dead as well?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and ignored her question. "I'll call you."

"Since LA is supposedly so safe, may I suggest that you bring Connor back here while you are working out your little deal with Angelus?"

"You may not." Buffy hung up.

"So, what now? What's the plan?" Xander asked.

"Will you just let me think for a minute?"

"What, you don't have a plan?"

Buffy buried her face in her hands. "I need to think."

Giles sat down next to Buffy and said gently, "Buffy, maybe we should call it a day. It must have been a terrible long day for you."

"We have to come up with a plan. We have to-"

"Buffy, I don't think you are in a condition to make any decisions right now. You should get some sleep."

"We don't have time. I have only until tomorrow to come up with something."

"Buffy, more than anything else you need to be well rested and alert tomorrow."

"I think Giles is right, Buffy," Willow said, who was still feeding Connor. "We can meet again tomorrow to think of something, after you have gotten some sleep."

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" Giles suggested. "I'll watch Connor and you can get some sleep. I certainly won't. Besides, I want to read up on some things." Giles wanted Buffy and the others to get some sleep. Someone would have to look after Connor. If Buffy went home, probably none of them would get any decent sleep at all. Besides, he didn't want to let Buffy out of his sight. She appeared quite calm, but he was sure it was just a façade that could crumble any moment. He wanted to be there for her. And he was worried that Xander might say something stupid, make her run or do something rash. He would feel much better if she stayed here tonight.

"I don't think I will get any sleep either," Buffy said.

Giles knew she was probably right. He got up and returned only a moment later, holding out some sleeping pills to her. "That's why I want you to take these. You need to sleep."

"But-"

"No but, you need to sleep tonight."

"But what if he comes back?"

"We'll renew the spell to keep him out. Willow, do you still have a copy of the spell?"

"Yeah, I got one."

"Good, then do it at Buffy's house as well."

"If we make it home alive," Xander said.

Buffy sighed. Xander was right. Angelus was still out there. "I'll see you guys home."

"You are going to bed," Giles said resolutely. "Angelus won't risk harming anyone tonight."

"And you know that for sure why?" Xander asked.

"He'd gain nothing from it."

"Giles is right," Buffy said. "For now, he has to wait and see what happens. One of us makes one wrong move and any deal is off and that would mean outright war."

"Yeah, and for some reason that is not what he wants," Giles added. "Otherwise he could have killed us when we went to get the orb."

"I really hope you are right," Xander said doubtfully. "Maybe he just wants us to think we are safe."

"For what purpose? To kill us more easily? Had he wanted us dead when we went to get the orb, he could have killed us. He didn't even try. He has other plans. For now at least."

"Well, let's hope that 'now' lasts at least until we get home and have time to do the spell," Xander said.

* * *

After Xander and Willow had left, Giles prepared his bed for Buffy.

"If you can't get Connor to fall asleep again, he likes to have his back stroked," Buffy said. "But if you can't get him to fall asleep after 15 minutes or so, please wake me up."

"Buffy…"

"And he especially likes that song my mom used to sing to me when I was little. It goes something like this-"

"Buffy, I think I can handle a baby," Giles said gently. "Get some sleep."

Buffy crawled into bed, still holding on to Connor. She didn't want to let him out of her sight. But Giles was right. She needed sleep. She would need her wits tomorrow. But suddenly, Buffy had a disturbing thought. She was reminded of Wesley taking Connor from Angel. Could she really trust Giles with Connor?

Giles noticed the strange look on Buffy's face. "What is it, Buffy?"

"He is my son, Giles. And if you ever dare to take him from me, I swear-"

"Hold on, what are you talking about, Buffy?"

"Um… sorry, it's just that Wesley pulled a stunt like that on Angel." Was she getting as paranoid as Angel about Connor now?

"What stunt?"

"He took Connor from Angel."

"Why?"

"Long story."

"You can tell me tomorrow. You need to get some sleep. And I will take good care of Connor. I promise."

"I know. Sorry about that. It's just been a turbulent couple of days."

"I can't even imagine." Giles handed her the pills and a glass of water. "Here, take them."

Buffy swallowed the pills and held Connor until she started to feel tired. Then she finally handed him to Giles.

"He is a beautiful baby, Buffy."

"Thanks."

Buffy started to get more and more sleepy. Her eyes started to close. "Giles…"

"Yes?"

"Giles…" Buffy tried to hang on to consciousness.

"Just sleep," Giles said in a whisper.

"Giles, we didn't sleep with each other… I swear."

"Ssh, I know."

"I just… I just made him… happy," she murmured troubled. "We… made him happy." A tear rolled down Buffy's cheek.

"I know," Giles soothed her. "I know."

"He deserves to be happy… not fair…"

"I know."

Eventually, Buffy couldn't fight the drugs anymore and fell asleep.

Giles looked at her and then at Connor. "You deserve to be happy as well."

What had these two done to deserve this, a torn-apart family that wanted nothing more than being together and getting a chance at being happy. But by a cruel twist of fate that happiness was their ticket to doom. What a cruel world this was. Well, damning the world wouldn't solve their problem. Giles went downstairs to make some tea for his reading session.

* * *

Buffy slept until well past noon.

"Hey, Giles, I hope Connor didn't keep you too much from your reading," Buffy greeted him when she came downstairs.

"No, he slept pretty much through the night."

Buffy picked Connor up and kissed him. "Hey, honey. Did you sleep well?"

"I am glad to see you in better spirits today," Giles said. He had expected Buffy to chide him for letting her sleep so long. They had wanted to come up with a plan before Buffy had to face Angelus. But Giles hadn't come up with anything new during the night, so he thought it would be more useful to let Buffy sleep instead.

"Oh, yes, I am," Buffy said and gave Giles a determined look. "Angelus doesn't want me to look for an orb for the next nine months? Fine. He wants to play games? Very well. But I have some conditions of my own."

"Conditions?" Giles asked.

"I am determining the playground."

"What do you mean?"

"We are going back to LA."

TBC


	12. Long and Lonely

**Note: **

_The long wait has been mainly due to the fact that I recently moved and started a new job._

_I feel compelled to address some issues raised in some of the last reviews:_

_I've been reminded that this is a Buffy/Angel story (as the description points out). My reply to that is: The settings don't allow for a Buffy/Angel/Angelus story, even if it was. And even if I could, I wouldn't necessarily do that. But I don't want to give anything away. So my explanation for the B/A instead of B/A/Aus or B/Aus is: the pairing just indicates which couple I am rooting for, at least for now ;-)_

_There was a complaint that the story is rated M, when it should be rated T._

_1) The story is rated M for a reason. I outline my stories rather well before starting to post them. So please trust me with the rating._

_2) I don't consider myself a rating expert, but the first few chapters alone should qualify for M (T: "minor action without serious injury" – my first chapters don't qualify for that, and I have some cursing in this chapter)_

_3) I'd rather rate it too high than too low, in case somebody starts reading a story and then has to stop because the rating goes. I can't see that happening the other way around unless…_

_4) I think only people who are after something very particular would be disappointed with a too high rating, when they don't find what they are looking for. For those people: see 1)_

* * *

**CHAPTER 12 – Long and Lonely**

"You want me to do what?" Angelus asked, not sure he had heard her correctly.

"You are the one with superior hearing. You heard me."

"It's more than enough that I agreed not to kill anybody, but actively helping people? Forget it! Let them run it down, I don't care."

"I am not asking you to help them. I know that would be too much to ask," Buffy said snidely. She knew Angelus wouldn't care about AI, but Angel would, once he got back. If she gave up on AI, it meant she was giving up on Angel ever coming back to her. It was not an option. "I am just asking you to go back to L.A. with me. Shouldn't make any difference to you."

Angelus actually liked L.A. It was big. It had a lot of criminal elements, even though it wasn't located on a helllmouth. The only attractive thing about Sunnydale was the hellmouth anyway. But it also meant a lot of lunatics trying to mess with it. It was much easier to stay out of those power plays that erupted now and then around the hellmouth. Angelus was too old and too smart to get caught up in those. L.A. would make for a good territory. And it couldn't hurt to accommodate some of Buffy's wishes, especially if they were so easy to fulfill. It would mean more leverage for him later on. Besides, if he had to put up with Xander and Willow constantly, he might be tempted to kill them after all. "But Connor is not staying here, if that's what you had in mind. He is coming with us."

"Don't worry. I hadn't planned on leaving Connor here." As much as Buffy wanted to get Connor as far away from Angelus as possible, she knew he wouldn't allow that. Besides, he should be aware that if he harmed Connor in any way, any deal was off for good. And she had just gotten Connor back. She couldn't leave him behind. Losing Angel was bad enough, but she couldn't bear to be separated from her son as well.

"Okay, that's settled then. Whenever you are ready. My stuff is still in L.A. anyway."

* * *

That had been too easy, Buffy thought. She was back home and packing her bag for L.A. Connor was sleeping peacefully on her bed. On the one hand, Buffy was relieved that Angelus had agreed to her suggestion so quickly. But on the other hand, his complete lack of opposition had her suspicious. She had expected him to put up more of a fight. Actually, she had expected him to disagree with her and make her life harder on principle in order to show her who was in charge.

Buffy had several reasons why she wanted to go back to L.A. She had realized that she had already – and unconsciously - made the decision to fight for Angel back on the beach the moment Angel had lost his soul. Last time when Jenny had died she had sworn to herself that she would never let it come that far again should Angelus ever come back, but Connor had changed everything. Of course she wanted Angel back as well, desperately so, but she couldn't kill her son's father. She simply couldn't as long as there was still the tiniest chance that she could get him back, no matter how small the odds were. As long as he didn't force her hand, Buffy would fight to get him back. She was determined to fight for Connor to have a dad, to fight for herself and for Angel, so that he could see his son growing up. Giving up was not an option.

And then there was AI. It was Angel's legacy in a way. She needed to keep it going for Connor. And for Angel, for when he came back to her. If she gave up on AI and let it run down, it would be like admitting that Angel would never come back. She also had to take care of Connor, feed him and clothe him, and AI was her best bet. She was suddenly a single mom. She was responsible for him and had to earn money. If Angel were still there, she could have focused on the hellmouth while he earned the money with AI. But now her son came first.

Before, she would have had a bad conscience about leaving the hellmouth, but not anymore. She felt no longer obliged to The Powers That Be. They had done nothing for her. They had kept Connor from her, taken him away from her, had left her and Angel in ignorance for years. And they hadn't given them any warning about Angel being about to lose his soul again. Didn't they claim to be able to look into the future? If they wanted her looking after the hellmouth, they should have saved Angel or at least warned them that just being together as a family would bring Angelus back. They had let them down. She owed them nothing, not after all that had happened. They had left her no choice but to take over AI for Angel to provide for her son. They could go looking for a new protector of the hellmouth. She'd take over Angel's job and that was that.

And on a selfish note, she didn't want Angelus around her friends. It was bad enough that she and Connor had to be around him. Cordelia and Wesley were also her friends and she really liked Gunn and Fred even though she had just met them. But she hoped that Angelus wouldn't see them so much as Buffy's friends, but rather as necessary business partners. She was in L.A. to take care of business, not to make friends. She hoped it wouldn't get as personal there. She hardly knew anybody there anymore. L.A. was simply more neutral ground. And Gunn, Wesley, Cordy and Fred were in the business by choice. They got paid for the danger. Her friends in Sunnydale were solely involved because of her. She had put them through enough during the years already, especially Angelus.

* * *

"Maybe I should go in alone first," Buffy said when they stood in front of the Hyperion. "You might scare them away."

"You want me in there, baby, believe me," Angelus said.

"Suit yourself, but if they stake you, don't blame me."

"Don't worry. I don't let myself get staked easily, as you should know. Besides, I have you to protect me. You have just as much reason not to let me get staked as I do. Maybe even more?" He reached out to stroke Connor's cheek but Buffy quickly took a step back. It was a reflex. Angelus just grinned at her reaction. He knew she would need time to get used to the situation, forcing her would only make her more rebellious.

Buffy was surprised when Angelus only shrugged his shoulders and grinned at her. She had expected him to make a big deal out of her reaction. Instead he walked towards the entrance and held the door open for her.

* * *

"What are you doing back here? How can you even dare to show yourself to us?" Cordelia asked venomously when she saw Buffy.

"Well, someone has to make sure you are not running down my business," Angelus said.

"You! Get out! He's gonna kill us all!"

"Probably," Angelus smirked.

"Angelus! Stop it!" Buffy said.

Wesley, Gunn and Fred came running into the lobby when they heard Cordelia's screaming.

"Buffy, we didn't expect you back so quickly," Wesley said while eyeing Angelus uneasily.

"I am here to help you with AI," Buffy said.

"You? You want to take over Angel's business?" Cordelia asked incredulously. "No way. I won't let you. You already ruined Angel's life. I won't let you ruin AI as well. You already have Connor, you greedy bitch."

"Don't talk like this in front of my son!"

"I had to accept that Connor is yours. But you have no right to AI, none whatsoever."

"Actually," Angelus interjected, "she does. Angel is no more, so it is mine. I say she can have it."

"It was Angel's business. You are not Angel. Angel is gone."

"Gone as in dead?"

"Yes."

"In that case, it is Buffy's as well. In case of Angel's demise, AI goes to her."

"What?"

"He has a last will. Almost everything in there – everything that counts anyway – is Buffy's. If I remember correctly, you get some termination pay, but it's really peanuts. I would have saved the ink it was written down with. So, no matter how you see it, AI is Buffy's. Either because I say so or because Angel said so. I don't care which version applies more to your ego," Angelus said. "She can do with it whatever she wants. For example… fire you."

"Nobody gets fired," Buffy said quickly. She would need them to keep AI running. They had experience, she didn't, not really, at least not with running a business.

"Well, then I quit," Cordelia said.

"I understand that you are upset, Cordy, but-"

"Upset? Upset? That is quite an understatement."

"Cordy, just think about it."

"No, you are out of your mind. Or maybe you have amnesia and don't remember what happened last time he was walking around?"

"I do remember," Buffy said sorrowfully.

"Well, then you have obviously lost your mind. I am out of here." Cordelia grabbed her bag and walked towards the door, keeping as much distance between Angelus and herself as possible, watching him carefully. "My talents were never appreciated here anyway. I can do better than this dump. I am an actress. I only postponed my career to do Angel a favor."

When Cordelia had slammed the door shut behind her, Buffy looked at the others expectantly and apprehensively at the same time.

"I am staying," Wesley said decidedly.

Gunn leaned closer to Wesley and whispered, "Man, don't you want to know what you are getting yourself into first?" In a louder voice he addressed Buffy, "Cordy said something about you and the vamp negotiating a deal."

"Don't worry," Angelus said, "I am not interested in any of you. Besides, since Buffy here will stick to the rules, you'll be perfectly safe."

"Oh, I feel so much better now," Gunn said sarcastically. Looking at Buffy, he asked again, "What's the deal?"

Buffy looked at Gunn, but she was unable to say anything. She was too ashamed. How could she possibly explain what she had agreed to? It sounded simply insane.

"Buffy has given me nine months to win her over," Angelus said matter-of-factly.

"Win her over? Does he mean what I think it means?" Gunn asked. When Buffy again didn't answer, Gunn went on, "And what happens if… I mean…" How could Buffy even consider such a deal? Surely she would never actually consider replacing Angel with this monster. It had to be part of some kind of plan.

"I wouldn't worry about that", Angelus said with an evil grin. "I can be very charming."

"Um… I am sure you are… but just… hypothetically speaking…?"

"Buffy gets a shiny little orb to do with whatever she wants."

"An orb?" Wesley asked skeptically. "To get Angel back?"

"Yes," Buffy said. "And Angelus promised not to harm anybody. Isn't that right?"

"Sure, whatever you say, honey."

"So, does that mean you are staying here for the next nine months?" Fred asked.

"That was the plan," Buffy said.

"So, maybe you need a babysitter?" Fred asked timidly. She had nowhere else to go. "I mean, since you are taking over for Angel… you might be busy… I would be a great babysitter."

"Fred, nobody gets fired or thrown out."

"I am not really a fighter. I won't be of much help to you."

"Fred, you can stay here as long as you want. This is your home. But yes, I guess I might need a babysitter once in a while."

"Great." Fred beamed at her happily. Then she looked at Gunn expectantly.

"I'll think about it," Gunn said.

"That's fine," Buffy said. "Nobody has to decide anything right now. Take as much time as you need."

"My mind is set," Wesley said.

"Thanks, Wesley. Well, I am going to put Connor to bed."

"Do you want me to do it for you?" Fred asked.

"No, thanks, Fred, I'll do it myself."

"Um… Buffy, could I have a word with you?" Wesley asked.

Angelus gave Wesley a disapproving look. "You better not plan any shenanigans. It won't work anyway and you'll end up dead. I am not as forgiving as your Angel." He said the name with disgust. "Actually, I still might consider punishing you for kidnapping my son."

"No, no tricks," Wesley said quickly. "It's just… well, you'll probably find out soon anyway. We protected everybody's room with the lockout spell. I wasn't sure if it would work on the lobby, since it used to be a hotel and now is basically open to anyone. But the rooms are private. Therefore, Angelus can't go into the individual rooms, not even Angel's, as we did that one as well. But I didn't do your room yet, Buffy."

"That's okay. I had planned to take Angel's room anyway as most of Connor's stuff is in there." Also, she wanted to sleep there to feel closer to Angel. And she was certainly not going to sleep in a room where Angelus could come and go as he pleased. She looked at Angelus to see what his reaction would be.

"There's a problem with that plan," Angelus said coldly.

"Listen, if you think you can draw some creepy portraits of me while I am asleep, forget it. Been there, done that. Besides, if I have to worry about you sneaking up on Connor or the others while I should be getting my beauty sleep, you'll only get a cranky Buffy. That can't be in your best interest."

"How considerate of you to point that out for me. But I meant that all my clothes are in that room, a room which I can't get into. So unless you want me running around in the same clothes for the next nine months…"

"Oh… um… sure, I'll get them for you," Buffy said meekly.

"Great, problem solved," Angelus said and grinned. "See, Buff, communication is everything in a relationship. Otherwise there'll be misunderstandings that could develop into something a lot more serious."

"Give me a break," Gunn said disgustedly and made his way towards the door.

"Gunn?" Fred called after him.

"I just need some air. I'll be back." To Buffy he said, "If anything happens to Fred, I'll hold you responsible." He slammed the door shut behind him.

"That went well," Buffy said dejectedly. She looked around the lobby. Only Wesley and Fred were left.

"I think that went very well," Angelus said. "Nobody even tried to stake me. You worried your beautiful head over nothing."

Buffy didn't even look at Angelus. She was exhausted. She started walking up the stairs and said, "Let me put Connor to bed first and I'll get you your clothes."

Suddenly, the phone rang. Wesley picked it up. "Buffy, it's for you. It's Spike."

Buffy walked back down the stairs and grabbed the phone. "Spike?"

"Yeah, it's me. Is everybody still alive?"

"Yeah, we are good for now. How is Dawn?"

"She's okay, a bit confused and stubborn, but fine. I didn't tell her much, thought you might want to do that. I called Giles and he said I should try to call the hotel. What exactly is going on there?"

"Um… that's a bit complicated to explain."

"Where is he? What's he up to?"

"He is here in L.A."

"Did you follow him there? Do you think you can take him out on your own? Do you have any help?"

"Spike, it's not like that. We went to L.A. together."

"You did what?"

"He's here at the hotel with me."

"What the-"

The line went dead.

"Spike? Spike?" Buffy screamed frantically into the phone. Then she noticed Angelus playing with the unplugged phone line.

"Why would you be talking to Spike on the phone?"

"It's not what you think."

"Right, for some reason he is more loyal to you, the Slayer, than to me, his grandsire. I know he betrayed me last time as well."

"He is not trying to get your soul back."

"Really? What is he up to then?"

Buffy sighed. "He is looking after Dawn for me."

"Ah, the little fake sister. How sweet. You sure you want her alone with him. If she was my sister I wouldn't trust Spike as far as this phone line is thick." He twirled the cable between his fingers.

"Plug the line back in!"

Angelus obliged. The phone rang again and this time Angelus picked it up.

"Buffy? Are you okay?" Spike asked. "The phone went dead."

"Don't worry, Spikey, she is alright."

"You!"

"Yes, me!"

"If you hurt her I'll-"

"You'll what? Kill me? I'd really like to see you try. That would be so much fun. Just for that opportunity it might be worth hurting the little Slayer."

"Don't you dare!" Spike threatened.

"Spike, Spike, Spike, always poking your nose into what is none of your business, always interested in what is mine."

"Dru was never yours."

"Sure she was. You only got her because she was a bit too crazy after I was through with her."

"I swear if you-"

Angelus handed the phone to Buffy with a bored expression.

"Spike, it's me."

"Are you okay, pet?"

"I am. Don't worry about me. How is Dawn?"

"She is fine, expect that she didn't appreciate our disappearing in the middle of the night."

"What did you tell her?"

"I hardly know what happened myself. So, what happened?"

"Angelus happened."

"So I heard," Spike said dryly.

"But I didn't sleep with him."

"You sure?"

"Of course I am. It's complicated. Let me talk to Dawn."

"Sure, I'll get her."

It took only second for Dawn to grab the phone from Spike. "Buffy?"

"Dawn, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine. Why did we have to leave? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I am okay. But you have to stay with Spike for a while."

"Why?"

"Angelus is back."

"I know. How could you do that?"

"I didn't sleep with him."

"But… how…?"

"Listen, Dawn, what I am going to tell you now is gonna sound very weird, but it's the truth."

"Okay."

"I don't know how to say this, Dawn." Buffy took a deep breath. "Angel has a son, Connor."

"What?"

"He thought Darla was his mother, but it turns out she wasn't. Connor is actually… my son."

"I don't get it. Is this a stupid joke? Because it isn't funny."

"Dawn, this isn't a joke. Angel and I have a son. You are an aunt."

Dawn hung up.

Buffy looked unhappily at the phone.

Angelus almost pitied Buffy. If she hadn't sent Dawn away, he would have gladly taken care of her annoying sister for her. The brat needed a lesson in respect.

The phone rang again. Buffy answered it and this time Spike was at the other end again. "That's bullshit, Buffy."

"It's not. Angel did a DNA test. I am Connor's mother."

"The results could be forged."

"They are not. It's true. And I can feel it. He is my son."

"Still not convinced."

"He's the reason Angel lost his soul."

"He lost his soul because he has some offspring now?"

"No, not exactly, because… because he is my son as well, because we have a son together."

"Okay, whatever. It happened. But what I want to know is what he is doing there with you at the hotel?"

"We kind of made a deal."

"A deal? With Angelus? Are you out of your damn mind, Slayer?"

"I had no choice."

"I guess I have to take your word for that."

"I don't have to explain myself to you!"

"Hey, relax. I didn't mean-"

"I know. Sorry. Just look after Dawn, okay?"

"Sure."

"This might take a while. She won't like it."

"Don't worry about that. Just make sure you stay alive. Is he listening in?"

Despite Angelus standing several feet away, he would probably be able to hear Spike's part of the conversation as well. "Yeah, he is."

"Well… be careful then. I'll keep in touch."

"Make sure Dawn doesn't tell the others where you are."

"Don't worry. I know how to stay off the radar."

"Yeah, but she doesn't. You have to be strict with her, Spike, for her own good."

"I know how to handle your little sis."

"Thanks for doing this."

"Yeah, sure. Just make sure I can drop her off with you at some point."

"Tell Dawn I love her." Buffy hung up.

"Don't worry, Buff. I have more important things to do than chase after Dawn," Angelus said. "I am glad she is out of the way. And Spike, too. Actually, I commend you for getting rid of both of them at the same time. I couldn't have come up with a better plan. Well," he grinned, "except for a more permanent one, of course."

Buffy gave him an angry look. "I am putting Connor to bed now." Defiantly she added, "If you are agreeable with that."

"You don't have to ask my permission, Buff. You are not my prisoner."

"Right…"

"You can do whatever you want. Within reason. I'll let you know when you do something that doesn't fit our arrangement."

"I'd really prefer a list."

"Where would be the fun in that? But if you insist, for starters: I don't mind you talking to your sister over the phone. Spike on the other hand…" He let the unfinished sentence hang in the air and just gave her a disapproving look.

"What was that you said about communication earlier?"

"Well, you shouldn't let the mystery die either, you know, to keep the spark alive."

"There is no spark!" Buffy spat back.

Angelus leered at her. "Oh, baby, that doesn't sound like 'no spark' to me."

Angrily, Buffy turned away from him and stomped up the stairs.

Angelus followed her with his eyes and laughed. "Definitely a spark." When she was out of sight, he turned towards Wesley. "You don't happen to have a lockout spell for me as well, do you, Wesley? In case someone," he looked at the door, "decides to try something stupid."

"Um… no, not that I know of," Wesley said, uncertain whether Angelus was serious about his request. "But I am sure nobody will attempt to do something… stupid."

"Well, I hope so, for your sakes. Maybe you want to make sure everybody understands the consequences." Without another word he left Wesley and Fred standing there and went up the stairs as well.

* * *

Buffy was changing Connor into his pajamas. "You must be tired, sweety. Mommy is tired, too. Tonight you can sleep in your own bed again. And mommy will sleep in daddy's bed. Think that will make us both sleep better tonight? But you already slept well last night, didn't you? You had Uncle Giles watching over you. He said you were a good boy. Company makes you sleep better, right? Well, at least it makes me sleep better... certain company…" Buffy picked Connor up and laid him into his bed.

When she turned around, Angelus was leaning casually against the door frame. Buffy had left the door open because she still needed to get her own stuff from the car.

"If you are waiting for me to ask you in, you can wait 'til hell freezes over," Buffy said.

"It's actually not as hot in hell as most people think. But I am just here for my clothes. For now."

Buffy walked over to the wardrobe, grabbed some clothes from it and shoved them into Angelus' arms. "Here, that should be enough for now. You'll get the rest tomorrow," she said and then slammed the door right into his face. She knew it probably wasn't the most prudent thing to do, but it sure felt good.

The slamming of the door had startled Connor and he started to cry. Buffy went over to his bed and picked him up. "I am sorry, honey. I didn't mean to scare you. Everything's okay. Don't cry."

After Connor had quieted down again and finally fallen asleep, Buffy fell exhausted onto the bed. She would get her stuff tomorrow. She had no desire to run into Angelus again tonight.

As she lay there on Angel's bed, staring at the ceiling, Buffy went over the last few days with Angel again and again, wanting to memorize every single word, every gesture and every touch they had exchanged. She didn't want to forget. She needed the memories to hold on to something. The next nine months would be long and lonely.

TBC

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**Note:**

_If you liked it, please review. If you didn't, feel free to do the same.  
_


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